How to deal with anxiety and anger — A solution from very educational people

Anger and anxiety are two mostly unrelated dilemmas, admittedly more popular in the modern fresh off the boat generation, but it with a history originating from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the — well forevers. This is exactly why the very educational people that frame us, and mentor us in our daily workings and most evidently know everything about anything ( read : the interwebs and smart people, mostly stuck up adults and teenagers who have a pHD in psych off of tumblr, it’s legit ok) have decided to set down a wonderful and very helpful list of things to do when you’re enraged or feeling a bit anxious about, well anything. I am gladly here to quote all the wise wordings of these very educational people, because they have helped me tremendously in my mental health stability and I’m sure they’ll help your petty problems as anxiety and anger too. (Please don’t sue)

ADVICE FROM VERY EDUCATIONAL PEOPLE #1

Ever feel a sour dark self-desolving feeling of anxiety? Ever get so rightfully mad at someone who has wrongfully shot down what you believed in to the point of ridicule? That’s okay, just ~ breathe ~. Follow our instruction, breathe. Okay keep breathing. A little more. Just a tad bit more. Are you breathing yet? No no, more. One more inhale. A little more. Through the nostrils not your mouth. Okay breathe more. You sure you breathing? Just breathe. BreeeEEEeEeEeEeEeathe. No exhaling, just inhaling. That’s the spirit, just ~breathe~. You sure your’e breathing? I don’t think so.

Just breathe a little more. One more for the team.

ARE YOU BREATHING?

There you go your problems are settled.

ADVICE FROM VERY EDUCATIONAL PEOPLE #2

Listen, standing up for yourself is not how you solve any problems. You need to realize your inner soul shakakaka is very disturbed by this irrational (not) behavior. This outburst ( read : a calm self — defend) is very harmful to your inner organs, especially your kidneys (don’t ask me why I read it on a watsapp chain text). Let me offer you a good healthy solution.

~ Ignore ~

You don’t need to stand up for yourself silly, you’re just being angry, ugh that rage, how toxic. You deserve to love yourself, and just ignore the person who is clearly wrong in every sense, but deserves all your respect because — hear this- he’s older than you. Where are your manners? Have you not heard to not raise your volume?

Just ~ignore~ and stare dead into your respectful elderly’s eyes and slowly do a great shimmy outro from his sight and keep your dignity alive and set within yourself ❤

I know what’s best. Trust me I have a masters in Scientology of………………..

ADVICE FROM VERY EDUCATIONAL PEOPLE #3

Use visualization to calm down. This is very much very excellent-ly effective trust me I fantasize every- oops. Not what I meant, sorry forgot for a minute how educational I am.

Don’t be anxious. Here are some visualizations to get you started :

Got a situation you’re stressed about? That’s okay! Just imagine your’e going for a calm calm swim in calm calm blue blue waters. Imagine you’re swimming. Water calms you down have you heard? It was on that one article from that one website. So does the colour blue. Okay keep swimming. Swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim swim — whats that you ask? What happens next? Idk bro I think you drown.

Got a situation you’re angry about? That’s okay! If you’re in a fight, just ~ visualize~ the person standing in front of you to be Adam Levine. Standing in a meadow. Flowers all around him. Imagine him cooing the lyrics to daylight in your ear, in that soothing soothing high pitched, ear drum hurting voice of his. Oh Adam.

Warning : In this visualization you might end up attempting to make out with, said person who now appears to be Adam Levine (swoon) and have a harassment case filed against you but that’s okay, at least the anger’s gone, right? (still swooning)

ADVICE FROM VERY EDUCATIONAL PEOPLE #4

Ever heard of good ol’ math? That’s right we’re bringing it back with this very educational advice. Count. Count until your anxiety is magically taken away by those doves of peace that’re only attracted to people with non anxious and angry souls ~

You can count to 10. You can count till 20. You can count till 50, you can count till 100, you cant count till….120..you can…till 20000……you…..3…..zzZZZzZZZzzZZZ

Oh fuck, isn’t this technique used for sleep aid? Oops, sometimes I mix up my education.

ADVICE FROM VERY EDUCATIONAL PEOPLE # 5

I know exactly when that hotline’s supposed to bling. Phone a friend if you’re ever mad! I know this is a helpline used in those millionaire questionnaire shows, but who said real life isn’t a millionaire questionnaire show?! Treat it like it is.

The problem in front of you is your make or break question and your only options are : that helpline and to accept your feelings in a healthy manner. You know what the right answer is chap! Just phone a friend and wreck what’s left of your friendship with bursting out at the wrong ( right) person.

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That’s all the educational advice the very educational people have got for you for the time being. And that’s all the eductional advice I can take for a day.

Remember kids, your feelings are not valid and the very educational people are always right! ❤

Bonus tip : If you take medication, leave it. It’s very harmful don’t you know? Trust me I’m educational.