Her Winter Solstice

Over the past few months I’ve listened to the ramblings on of Mr Indeed and his string of romances! I found myself somewhat Dr Phil-ing him on what to do and how to play his cards. . .

No! I am no expert but I have loved and lost and fell for people who haven’t fallen for me and loved too hard and then not enough…. I’ve been there!

Mr Indeed is the kind of man a lot of women look for or find themselves drawn towards… he is “gold” in the mine of million men! Tall and sporty, but smart and shy, religious but not holy, sexy but humble…he is every perfect balance but he is still a man ‘who isn’t ready for commitment’ , ‘who wants the glory of having a beautiful women on his arm’ and ‘who isn’t the douche bag because he told you what he wanted and didn’t realise he still made you fall’….

Let’s take it back to where it all started…the girl with green eyes who caught his eye. Very pretty but short. Short wasn’t ideal but it would work! At least for now, to dabble in the dating scene, for testing out the waters. Let’s call her “A”. She was cute… he had a type; fair and light eyed. She ticked the boxes and that was a good start. But no sooner than later, there was a call, she was engaged, it was her fiancé and Mr Indeeds ‘new adventure’ was over. . . .

I’ve always had this opinion that the ball is always in a women’s court. She only allows a man as close as she wants him to be. She only gives as much of herself that she wants him to have. It’s all her… She decides …. And that’s the trick.

I had a heart to heart with him. Shared my opinions. Told him to have fun but be straight up and honest. You’re not looking for serious. You’re looking for something casual, something new, something fresh but with no ties and no attachments. As far as I was concerned, he had nothing to worry about! He wasn’t being an arse hole because he told her what he wants. No expectations. No commitments.

Maybe this goes against the girl code of ‘chick’s before dicks’ or whatever it may be. But as a good friend why shouldn’t I give him my opinion and advise him on how to go about it all? Whether he was going to use it or not. But gosh I never expected this! Next thing I knew, he’s texting me telling me has a fully booked weekend: Three dates! Three different women! (What the hell did he just do?)

Date one, let’s call her Miss “B”. Surprisingly didn’t fall into the category of his type but she wasn’t so bad. Long brown hair. Sharp features. But shy and conservative and as far as Mr Indeed was concerned she lacked enthusiasm and in his words “Always played by others rules and never set her own. Was 'spineless' really”. (Harsh! I know but honest at least.) She wasn’t sure of who she was … It made it easy for him to let “B” fade into the background.

Date two, Lady “C”. She was the artsy one. Another one who didn’t tick the ‘looks’ box, she was average. Wavy brown locks, deep tell tale eyes. She was interesting. She could hold a conversation. There was something worth investing his time in. He found himself talking for hours with her. They complimented each other. But there was a con to all these pros. She was too literal. She over analysed. Looked too deep into things that really didn’t need to be. It was off-putting. A compliment wasn’t a compliment for her. It was blown up into all sorts of “why shouldn’t my inner beauty matter? Not what’s on my face or what I have on!” - Over sensitive and dramatic for absolutely no reason actually. “C” ruined the experience and her average kisses didn’t get her any brownie points either!

Talking about brownie points; date number three surprised me infact! There’s history with this one. Mr Indeed played some sport with her little brother and her father seemed over eager and so interested in him and his life which was very awkward! He sort of brushed it off at the time but on the sly kept in contact with her. Shall we call her “D”.

There was nothing great about her. As he said “ She was the least attractive ( no nice eyes,or dimples, she wasn’t even cute-plain Jane) but had a heart of gold” - She was sweet and that was a start. She was the youngest. A little naive in fact but she was open. (And for any man that’s not a bad thing to be!) Out of all of them he voted her the best kisser!!!

He got a lot more than he expected from her. There was chemistry. There was heat between them and he didn’t mind as long she didn’t fall. He wasn’t looking for love. “D” was a sneaky one, skipping lectures to go on dates and getting friends to cover for her late night rendezvous with Mr Indeed.

One night after dinner, hanging out in his car, it all took an unexpected turn. She took control of things. Showed him she isn’t a young girl. She’s a women. She teased him and kissed him. She knew what she was doing. She was naughty and he wasn’t complaining! She unzipped his jeans and kissed his neck. Ran her fingers where no one expected them to go and lowered her lips, taking him all in. Oh! He was pleasantly surprised….

Mr Indeed made it clear to her, no sex. He didn’t need the emotional baggage of it all. He didn’t want it. When it comes to sex, it’s a meaningful thing for him. He didn’t want to use her. She understood. He was leaving soon too. He had a new job in a different city. He didn’t want or need more than what this was.

They spent quite a lot of time together. Hanging out. Going to the beach. Going out. Just chilled time, nothing serious. It was fun. It was light. He knew his time was drawing to a close. His moving date was a few days away so he decided to take her out one last time.

He fetched her from uni, they laughed and joked over lunch. Got ice cream and strolled on the beach. Eventually found a quiet spot to be cozy and intimate. Romantic I know and maybe that’s when she thought she had it handled but then let her guard down for a just a second and then he kissed her in all the right places... and made her feel things she didn’t want to and just for the moment she stopped trying not to fall for him ...and then she did. And maybe she thought just maybe he might also fall.... but little did she know.... he couldn’t fall.... because it’s not what he wanted... he wanted fun and she wanted more.... he wanted kisses and she wanted to give him her all….

The funny thing is Mr Indeed was having a good time with her without giving emotion. Over their time together he felt nothing. Zero. She was a nice girl. But there was nothing more. There were no feelings and that’s just fine because he told her. He wasn’t looking for serious. He wasn’t looking for commitment. She said she understood but I don’t think she did. She let herself fall and he wasn’t going to catch her. She broke her own heart and that’s sad but it wasn’t his problem….

He was just her winter solstice. . .

There’s a possibility that every woman reading this will think I am a let down to females and what they stand for. ‘How could I let him do that to her?’ ‘How could I let him break her heart?’ ‘Don’t I feel for her?’ —

But it’s only fair that as long as your partner or whoever it is that you’re seeing or involved with is honest and tells you what they want and expect from the relationship and vice versa then it’s ok. It’s ok for them not to catch you, if they didn’t think you’d fall. It’s ok for them not to feel the same or more or less. It’s ok for expectations not to be met. In the end it’s all ok and if it’s not ok…. Well then… maybe it’s not the end….

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