Line Between Self Esteem and Ego
I often wonder is there any fine line between a man’s Self esteem and the ego? Are both not the same? For what I take pride and define as my Self Esteem, isn’t that my hidden Ego? Anyway I tried to seek the answer about my ego and the force behind it; I zeroed into the two circumstances that led to the conflict: one is when you’re wrong and you can’t face it; the other is when you’re right and nobody else can face it. So it’s binary system of right and wrong which defines the Self Esteem and ego; If the former is right later is wrong and vice versa. So here I am a puppet dancing between the right and wrong me and as someone has said it right that Life is a vicious circle, I go round and round.
So what can I do to be a better puppet to the very least; first thing I did was to find a middle path between the right and wrong me and tried to strike a balance between my self esteem and ego but hell the middle path never works rather it makes life even more miserable. So what’s next? Nothing that I could think of, so I started forming an opinion about my self-esteem and started fighting back each and every question. This instinct to counter every other person’s point of view, rebellion nature, justifying and being defensive of my action became part of my journey. Trust me this is where I lost the battle between the right and wrong me and at that point of time there is only wrong me, arrogant me full of my achievements and power, blind folded by Sycophancy and I became the society that we have today. The society that is full of people who are full of themselves, who easily gets hurt or felt insulted when questioned. So should we stop questioning? The world is cruel, the moment you stop questioning; trust me you will be taken for granted. But questioning someone often left some of us in a pain despite knowing there was nothing wrong in what we have questioned.
So I decided to continue the fight as I started feeling unhappy about the environment around me where I could only see ego’s hanging from each other’s faces covering the reality. But this time the fight was not with others it was with me to overcome my Self-esteem and ego. Can I control this behavior and just live on the simple Ramana philosophy that “Let what comes come; Let what goes go; Find out what remains”, Sounds easy but difficult to practice. Gradually I started working on things which makes me happy beyond the law of self-esteem and ego; sooner I realized that nobody can say anything about you whatever people say is about themselves so the moment you start finding the remains you will see other’s words going back to them as a boomerang. We all are hinged to a false center where we become agitated or egoistic or arrogant because that false center is dependent on others, we always look for what people are saying about us and in a nutshell we are controlled by others. So stop listening to what others say about yourself and you will see this false center tearing apart. And I learnt that beyond the Self-esteem and Ego, beyond the false center there is beautiful world of empathy, compassion and a universe full of love for others. It was hiding behind the veil of ego and as the great master Rumi has said- “The ego is a veil between humans and God; In Prayer all are equal.” So keep chanting, keep praying and try to find the remains. Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.