Giving Networks
At first glance it appeared such a simple question, “This is why I give, what about you?”, almost not worth answering. And yet, it has nagged me for the past couple days since I read the post and some of the early comments that I wasn’t sure what to respond or even if I should.
A Giver’s Vow of Modesty
On November 23rd, 2013 Adam Grant gave a lecture at Princeton University entitled, The Scrooge Effect: Motivating Misers to Give, at which he asked “Who in the audience would self-identify as a Giver?” When more than half the audience raised their hands, Adam jokingly remarked that the real givers would never have raised their hands. The audience laughed and Adam continued discussing the research of his book, Give and Take.
Every joke has an element of truth behind it. Those who give are expected not to talk about it, lest the value of their act be annulled. By talking about one’s giving it is claimed that one has revealed the true motivation for giving, the desire for praise, admiration, and all the additional benefits derived from being seen as someone who gives. This is why so many people who give, do so as a secret ritual, behind closed doors and taking great lengths that it not be known. The desire to give is so strong that it must be protected from perceived threats to devalue it, not only in the eyes of others but in the givers’ as well.
To be clear, there are undeniably those that appear to give but are only doing it for ulterior motives. We all know someone that goes to great lengths to have others see them in a good light, whose motivations are primarily driven by a concern for appearances. But I am not talking about them, since they are clearly not giving. Yet it is precisely because they exist prominently in our minds that real givers often keep from sharing their stories, out of fear of being misidentified as solely motivated by their public image.
When givers do not share their story they do far more harm than they may even be aware of, through their act of omission the world appears to be less caring than it is.
Our actions are guided by our wants and our capabilities, but also by what we expect of others. As much as we like to think of ourselves as independent thinkers, we are incredibly shaped by the paradigms of our times. When givers perform their acts behind closed doors, it tips the balance against giving, leaving in public sight a disproportionate set of acts of non-giving. We’re left thinking not giving is the norm and by extension it is ok not to give because no one else does.
When the Development Set asks us to share our stories on giving it does far more than answer the question “Why do people give?”, it also provides inspiration and an indirect demand to give. Reading some of the previous responses I couldn’t help but compare my own story with theirs. I have usually considered myself a giver (and have avoided saying it in public!) but faced with such moving and impressive accounts, I feel compelled to step up my giving game. And I hope many others draw inspiration from these responses.
I Give Because…
- I see in others a reflection of myself and my dearest loved ones.
- I have felt the amazing sensation of disbelief and gratitude when others have given to me.
- I see the potential of the given to become much more, as a snowball rolling down a mountain grows in size.
- I believe in paying it forward.
- I believe in karma.
- I want to play my small part in shaping the world into a better place — not just directly, but through example.
- I want to be part of something greater.
A Final Note on “Giving”
Although the convening piece prominently highlights philanthropy and charity, I was pleased to see that many took giving in a broader sense. We can give money, and volunteer our time but also through the many life choices that we make day in and day out. We should think about giving not just as discrete actions but as part of a larger ethos which takes into consideration how our lives impact others, which in turn impacts others, ad infinitum.
