Lets be honest, if you were to ask me a month ago if I wanted to go back to work, I would have JUMPED at the opportunity. Now that it’s literally less than a week away from my return to work, I am beginning to feel the anxiety and stress of missing out on things with my beautiful baby girl, Maylee.
For those of you who don’t know what this means (don’t worry, I just found out what this meant this morning as my older sister jumped for joy in knowing something “hip” before I did) FOMO is an acronym for “Fear Of Missing Out.” I am definitely experiencing FOMO.
Yesterday, as I woke up to Maylee’s cries, I picked her up, said my morning “hello’s” to her and she smiled at me. At which point, I burst into all out ugly cry and embraced her, whispering, “I’m going to miss you so much, my little babe…” I began thinking about all the smiles, laughs, and “first times” I was going to miss out on when I went back to work. Of course I wasn’t thinking about all the cries, screams, boogers, spit up, diaper changes, and constant need for attention I’d be missing out on.
The fact of the matter is, I am actually really excited to go back to work! I miss my office, I miss my coworkers, I miss having adult conversations and interactions, I miss doing the things I am good at. But I can’t escape the fact that I am going to miss spending my days with my Maylee; hearing her coos, kissing her chubby cheeks, singing little made up songs to her as I cuddle her, playing with her little piglet toes, and seeing her little giggles as I try to make her laugh.
Emotions are such a weird thing. As I mentioned at the beginning, the first two months after having Maylee, I would have given anything to go back to work. I wanted to get away from her as much as possible… I know that makes me sound like a horrible mommy, but it’s the truth. I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. It wasn’t until she finally reacted to something I did that I felt appreciated and valued for all I’d gone through. Her little giggle made everything I went through, worth it!
I never would have imagined I’d have such a hard time going back to work. But after spending time with my little Maylee, it’s hard not to love her and want to spend all my time with her! I know I want to go back to work; but I also want to spend all of my days with my Maylee. If only I could bring her to work with me… I know, I know, that’s not possible. So for now, I won’t fear the moments I will miss, but I will make the MOST of all our time and embrace every smile, every diaper change, every coo, every cry, every giggle, and every moment I have with my little Maylee.