Five Events Even the Raleigh News & Observer Can’t Blame Roy Williams For

I know, I know, there cannot possibly be five. This is the man who has organized, committed, known of or merely breathed oxygen in the same ZIP code with some of the most heinous acts in human history. Or so one would think as a reader of Raleigh’s fine contribution to sports journalism/questionably motivated op-eds.

Yes, UNC had problems in the academics/athletics arena. Yes, it spent buckets of money on an investigation and is taking strong steps to change the processes that led to any proven misdeeds. Yes, all of that.

Meanwhile, given the News & Observer’s penchant for calling for Williams’ head on a spike (both directly and passive-aggressively), I thought this would be a good time to introduce historical events even the N&O might find him innocent of. “Might” being the operative word.

Full disclosure: I am: as you’ve probably guessed, a UNC alum. I am not: an employee, relative, friend or acquaintance of the Coach. Back to business.

  1. The Hindenburg Disaster: While enormous, flaming catastrophes have not been unheard of in Williams’ UNC coaching career (see: Larry Drew II and the Wear twins), he was almost certainly free of guilt on this one. For several reasons, not the least of which is that he wasn’t born yet. Need evidence, you say? Williams was born in 1950 and the Hindenburg caught on fire and crashed in 1937. Even if you believe he’s as evil and corrupt as the N&O editorial board clearly does, not even Roy Williams could take down an airship in New Jersey at age -13.
  2. The Kidnapping of the Lindbergh Baby: Sorry! Again: not born yet. This one happened in 1932. Though both occurred in New Jersey, which smacks of impropriety, right? There are no coincidences! Call Kenneth Wainstein, stat. Surely Coach Williams is history’s most prolific pre-birth criminal offender.
  3. The Sinking of the Lusitania: Yep, not alive yet (1915). Missed it by decades. And while Coach might have been to Germany at some point, it’s logistically impossible for him have personally fired torpedoes from a U-boat. He may have heard of this event. He’s most likely marginally aware of it. But he didn’t orchestrate it. Before the allegations fly, same goes for Titanic. Wasn’t born, wasn’t on watch, wasn’t in charge of the lifeboats. While some newspapers of record might believe a Hall of Fame coach has control over both icebergs and decades-old foreign governments, I’m here to tell you that’s just silly. Like several other things we’ve read recently.
  4. Seven, count ‘em, seven, Kansas tornadoes: A brief trip through Google reveals that there were at least seven serious tornadoes in Kansas between 1988 and 2003, the very same years Williams was men’s basketball coach at the state’s flagship university. Coincidence? Scroll up! There are no coincidences, remember? These must have been his fault. I can’t find any proof that they weren’t and, let’s face it, we know he knew about them. That makes him guilty, huh? Sorry, Coach. I can’t get you out of this one.
  5. Game Six of the 1986 World Series: October 25. Red Sox vs. Mets. A festering sore on the soul of every Red Sox fan. I watched this trainwreck from a TV lounge in Granville Towers South in Chapel Hill. It was wrong and it was ugly and still (!) Roy Williams, to my knowledge, was not somehow behind that ugliness. While I can’t say he was in the lounge with me, he was an assistant coach at UNC and very likely doing…coachy things…at that time. Not robbing Bill Buckner of his God-given coordination. For the record, Roy Williams is a notorious Yankees fan, which is by far the worst thing I actually believe about him.

Enough with the insanity? This Tar Heel says yes, please.