But Elle Woods Went To Law School

I’m twenty one years old and I have no idea what I am doing with my life. There are so many things that I think I would be good at, but I never seem to find myself pursuing anything. As a result, I’ve realized that I’m not really sure who I am or what I really want to be. So what am I doing then? I am currently taking courses to become a Mechanical Engineer. I have never felt so out of place in my life before. I’ve hated doing math for as long as I can remember. I constantly find myself wondering what I am doing in a STEM (Science Technology Engineering Mathematics) field. The truth is, I have no freaking clue.

I am assured that no one else in their twenties has/had any idea what they are doing either. Is that really the case? Or are people just too scared to pursue what he or she really wants to do? That’s kind of how I feel. I love to read books, I love writing, and I like watching and reading news. I think I’ve built it up in my head that those are not qualities of a quality career. I picked engineering, because it seemed like everyone in my family had something to say about every career choice I thought I wanted to make. I’m not happy with it though, and I don’t know if I ever will be? People like to tell me that I will get used to it, or that I will love the job security. I don’t think I’ll be happy enough in the mean time to get there.

I’ve realized that for my own sanity, I need to do something that I am passionate about. I have wanted to be a writer since I first watched Anne Of Green Gables and then found out it was a book. Life has always been more vibrant for me in the things in which my imagination comes up with. I have a hard time expressing my words when I talk to people. Thinking of what I should have said, two hours after the argument ended seems to be my mode of operation. Continuing with the story in my head until I win the argument is what I do best.

So this is me on my Eat, Pray, Love kind of journey to who I am and what it is that I want my life to do.

Notice that I said, “what it is that I want my life to do,” and not, “what I want to do with my life.” I want my life to do big things. I want my life and what I choose to do with it to impact others. I want my life to do something. Mean something. Be something.

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