Don’t wait for permission to do what you want.

Last year I was in a dead-end job. I was only at the job for 8 months, but I knew it was dead-end going into month 4. I stayed anyway. At the time I was telling myself, “maybe this could turn into something more,” but deep down I knew that wasn’t true.

The truth was, there was nothing for me at this job. It was an incredibly toxic environment and the work was far from fulfilling. I knew what I needed do, for my well-being, for my sanity. But I was waiting for permission.

Permission from whom? Good question. I’d convinced myself that this was not something I was “allowed” to do. People don’t just quit jobs in the Valley. They get laid off. With severance. Because you can’t just not be making money. It’s just not an option.

But while I stayed in the job, resentment took root. I resented the Bay Area for being a place where you can’t be without work for even a day. I resented my landlords for our ridiculously high rent. I resented people in my world who were in positive environments, who had the support and opportunity I longed for.

Leaving a job is terrifying, but it’s no reason to resent or to create false constructs or to lie to yourself. We don’t need permission to take care of ourselves or to pursue meaning in our lives. We can leave our jobs. We can buy our own damn birthday cake.

If you’re waiting around for permission to make a move in your life, or for someone to read your mind and tell you what you need to hear — stop. Grab a piece of paper and sit down and write what you need to hear. Read it. Believe it. Start making plans. Even if it’s just you and that piece of paper. Even if they think you’re crazy.

Maybe you are crazy. I mean, if it all goes to shit, you will only have yourself to blame. But maybe giving yourself permission is brave and badass — the thing of legends. And maybe not giving yourself permission is the craziest thing of all.

Originally published at misslujo.com .