I subscribe to the Ruth Bader Ginsberg philosophy of sexism — it hurts women AND men alike.
Jess Johnson

I subscribe to the Ruth Bader Ginsberg philosophy of sexism — it hurts women AND men alike. I don’t think it’s fair women are expected to leave earlier to pick up kids and men aren’t. Parenting comes in many different forms and in a free and equal world, men can leave to pick up their kids just as easily.

Oh women aren’t expected to leave, they are simply the ones that say more often they have to leave. The expectation comes when the men that are left are looked down on when they don’t take up the slack. And here the thing, most men will do just that. Because they realize that it might be the difference in getting the next promotion.

To use your example, if you manager assumed you were gay and therefore didn’t invite you to do a stereotypically man’s man activity (lets say an offsite with race car driving). Lets pretend that at this event all the other presumably straight men discuss the company future and set goals after a round of beers. This would be problematic. Now imagine you, knowing exactly how capable and interested you are, have to prove that “hey, I should be there too!” If it happens once? You’d probably go home and gripe to your friends but you’re resilient, you’d be totally fine. If it happens repeatedly and suddenly it’s not just an offsite but meetings regularly occurring? I have nothing to says but “that shit is exhausting, yo.” This doesn’t happen at every meeting or even every company but it happens more often than most people are aware.

If it happened repeatedly, I’d go to another company that didn’t exclude me. It’s that simple. If I am not valued for my contributions then I find a place that does value me. But when my manager thought I was gay, I knew he underestimated me. I then used that to get the promotion (out from under him BTW) and a salary raise because of his stupidity. The point I am trying to explain is that, all people at work have different challenges and irritations. Learning to adapt and overcome those things are what will help one advance and shake off the BS that almost every corporate cog eventually faces. Bad managers are not uncommon for men or women.