Willing & Able

“If you ain’t ready, turn around”—Disclosure featuring Kwabs

Meditation: Learn to Forgive, nine minutes

I’ve been thinking about a friendship that ended nearly a decade ago now. The story I tell others and have told myself about how it ended places the blame in her lap. Upon reflection, I’m recognizing it’s not that simple.

When is it ever?

Throwaway words in a conversation maybe weren’t. I was flippant and called it candor. Lingering issues in our relationship were perhaps never water under the bridge. Old wounds had never fully healed.

I miss my friend.

We’re in the same room or venue a couple times a year. Sometimes we exchange pleasantries. Often, though, it’s awkward glances and opposite corners; whispered conspiratorial chatter or theatrically unbothered.

Who wants that anymore?

Today’s meditation presents this mantra:

Please forgive me. I forgive you. I forgive myself.

Repeat until you mean it. Repeat until it’s true.

Repeat, I imagine, until you can say it out loud to the people who you’ve wronged.

Today, at least, I can type it out.

Please forgive me. For whatever pain I caused. For whatever words stung like daggers. For whatever actions made me less of a friend than I’d like to be.

Please forgive me.