I clicked over to read your response to Benjamin’s question. Reading your words made me cry immediately. The peace and love you radiate is so strong it feels almost tangible to me. I fear I have lost the ability to access that peace I always had.
I am so very lost. I’m not sure what life situations started it, perhaps marriage struggles and hurts. My own anxieties about trust and sexual intimacy with my husband…trying to have hard conversations with him and hearing nothing back…i don’t know. Perhaps it’s that I was dealing with severe post partum depression after my little girl. She is perfect, and beautiful and lights up my whole soul. But in an attempt to hide, or fix, or pretend my very real, very true feelings of myself away, not wanting to upset my husband or watch my mother and Numerous loving family members deal with disappointment because of me, here I am. 18 months pretending. 18 months way Worse off, oh so worse off, than I was. I can’t find myself, it’s a scary feeling I’ve never felt.
It’s hard to have a meaningful relationship with my Heavenly Father and My Savior whom I have always turned to for peace and acceptance and live when I feel I don’t have the strength to even try to get better. And am a fraud.
I’ve dealt with mental or emotional issues since I was a girl and I NEVER got to the point of giving up. I ALWAYS had the hard talks. Always came clean, and only then could my confidence wax strong. I’ve messed up too much. I am so afraid. I am praying for a moment of clarity.
I’m so sorry, I meant to write a few sentences and instead I have rambled on. Good heck, This is why I never let myself post online. It’s a first. God Bless You. Through you I felt a source of true love and peace. Thank you.