The conundrum of the loner at the end of the room
The clock is ticking away well past 2 pm, as the anxiety of the person in question also soars , soars to a ridiculously high level , “ when the fuck is this going to end?” The “it” in the context is a funeral that this said loner is attending , attending quite against his wishes i must mention as he wishes to stay as far away from these situations like Donald Trump from sensibility, and the fact that he still has to attend this “thing” is naturally quite irksome to this said man.
The man is a loner , a genuine trait found in a minuscule part of the population , unfortunately a part of their trait is also not to publicize that , and hence it never becomes common knowledge. The man sees someone approaching , a girl who he knows , but is having a hard time figuring the said persons name , he thinks is it “Esha”, or maybe “oishee”, “fuck the girl was in my class for 10 yrs and i cant even figure out her name”, the frustration is piling up with that inherent sense of embedded shame which mandates that he know these names and remain sociable so that the real facade of his incredible awkwardness never comes out, but alas he fails to rememberer, he prays for the eventual interaction to never take place , he prays and he wishes that he can somehow avoid it. On the verge of fever pitch anxiety he is touched on the shoulders by an unknown touch , which he is not familiar with , he suddenly recoils , he suddenly feels threatened, even more threatened as it come from the back to shock him like anything . The touch in question is that of Jayraj, the classmate that he never quite liked . Jairaj was happy though, somehow happy to see him, the protagonist is baffled, “ why the fuck would he be happy to see me?, I have no happy memories of the guy, only that of gut wrenching anxiety and apprehension peppered with a bit of awkward lab sessions.” Not withstanding these feeling that our protagonist feels, he reaches forward , and is greeted by the approached assailant , “What the hell !!! you attend public gatherings now? you really have changed.”
“Moving from one uncomfortable conversation to the other, wow just wow”, our protagonist pondered. Still the social construct was built in a mysterious way specially to put him at a disadvantaged position, at least that is what his theory was, still somehow bringing out all the 32 big guns he came out flashing those elusive teeth and that ever radiant yet highly rare smile of his, “Jairaj !!! How are you, bohut din o se khabar nahi ? “ The resplendent nature of the question somehow bemused the receiver of this odd question as it was coming out of the vocal chords of a man who had in the collective 12 years of school not spoken as much. “He must be thinking what is wrong with me”, our protagonist thought and changed the nature of his next enquiry ,”So, how is TCS treating you?” Now this was a question, it almost acted as a catalyst opening up a can of worms from the receiver , and he went on to ejaculate a barrage of comments as to how he was more deserving than the others, but still was not being sent for an on site, the typical frustrations of an I.T. guy. Amidst all this our protagonist had completely forgot about the other approaching figure, that figure had arrived as signaled by the shadows and had again touched the other shoulder to our protagonists absolute distaste.
The face on the body was familiar , but the name tag associated with it, still somehow eluded our protagonist. Jairaj stepped in, “Shruti , khobor ki?” This question left our protagonist ashamed for a while as this was a name he should not have forgotten, how many years has it been only 4–5 years at the most . This was particularly difficult for our protagonist as he could not remember how his equation was with her, maybe he just did not care, but could he really be blamed, he did make attempts before , he did try to make friends , what could he do if those feelings were never really reciprocated, was he to blame for the love story that he now shares with Java and networking. Was the society which made no attempt to be inclusive not be blamed , how is it only his fault ? Still he gulped down his immediate awkwardness and burst forth with his camouflaged demeanor, “Kerom Achish ?” , he thought was a question hot enough to melt the immediate ice. The Bangalore based coder was prompt in her reply and also bore with the answer more questions, “Hebbi!! Tor khobor bol, toke ekhane ekdom expect korini kintu”.
The banter was light enough for our protagonist to jump in, “ Na i was free this afternoon, tai bhablam cholei ashi , bondhur baba mara geche , ei tuku to korai jaye”. The answer was satisfactory , the triumphant minions inside were celebrating this unlikely victory all his cells were hoping can i still have a shot a minuscule shot at that normal life that life which i had once dreamt , but was both too shy and also too afraid to want. Was there still a glimmer of hope left , a tiny bit also would do. The resident of Bangalore spoke up, “ thik thik amaro obostha kharap office er boss hebbi bansh dichhe , kintu jai hok Avishek ache to help out “, she says this pointing to a tall figure towards the other end of the room standing silently, trying to show his porcelain respects for a man he probably had never known. She continued, “boyfriend ta ka kaje lagate hobe to.” Our protagonist was lost again in the world he had just left for some seconds , fighting with his inner demons, so what can she not be a good friend or what? the demons were strong trying to pull him back into the friend less abyss of darkness, bringing up his failed hopes again” what is the point , you are only meant to die alone” . Jairaj is speaking is a congratulatory tone , he is happy for her, but why am i not? Our protagonist tries to put up a brave radiant face even in the midst of the dead body of a dream that he held for only a few seconds , the face does not flinch, does not reflect the waves of absolutely crushing disbelief that hits him.
He smiles , he keeps on smiling even when the waves inside his heart is crushing the dancing minions on the shores of his imaginary Hawaii.
