These two words which actually changed the way I used to think about life, these words changed the whole perception about what it is to love and what it is to be strong?
Before you all wonder as to why I started with this phrase and wrote my article with such a heavy start, I would like to share something to all those who are reading this and to the ‘hero’ who is watching from above.
It was 9th of October, 7 pm, when I got a call from my father. I was travelling back to chennai from Andhra along with my mother and sister. There were network issues and I could barely hear a word except for his sobbing. I was shocked. I couldn’t connect to him over the phone. The next thing I did was to text on whatsapp to actually know what had happened. When I opened the chat head, I could not believe my eyes, I read-
We are sad to inform that bade papa has left us.
I really couldn’t understand as to why it happened. Why?
I was in train at that time, I was in despair listening to this news. How could it happen?
I met him on 7th of October before leaving for my cousin’s engagement. He was fine. For three hours in my mind, I kept questioning god, why did you do this? How could you do this?
I couldn’t believe the fact that I would never be able to see him, I would never be able to talk to him, I would never hear my name again in the same way as he called me.
The time did not seem to pass. I sat on my seat silently sobbing, trying to pacify myself but in my heart, I knew we all have to be strong. I waited for the morning because that’s when I would be able to see him for the last time, yes for the last time !
It was 8 am when I reached central railway station. I rushed to my house with a very anxious feeling, I kept repeating to myself, he will be fine, but no he wasn’t there anymore. I entered the house and saw all the relatives, cousins, friends, my family immersed in sorrow and deep pain,
I saw him lying peacefully, for a second, I thought he would get up, but no he wouldn’t. He left, everyone around me were sulky and crying. In a place where I was surrounded by 50 people, I still felt as if something has struck my heart, I could feel the burn erupting in my stomach, I felt completely lost.
It was time for me to take a final look at him before he would depart forever. With a heavy heart, I bowed down and touched his feet for the final time. I saw him being taken away from me, I saw him till the time he was heading towards the finish line of life. Until all this while, I thought I was strong, I got to be strong but the minute I saw all my family members coming back from the cremation ground without him, I broke down. No amount of pacifying words, consoling, crying was working out for me. I just closed my eyes, took a deep breath and smiled, for a fact because I knew he is watching me.
To the ‘hero’ I have always known:
Being the head of the family wasn’t easy,
To make some decisions which were joyous and heavy.
The innocent smile that you always adorned,
Can’t still believe that you aren’t around.
Though you were almost 64,
Yet bore the heart of a child of 4.
Sometimes strict and a lot times supportive,
Underneath hidden never ending love.
For all the times you have been there,
From being the principal to a loving father.
I won’t cry, no I won’t, anymore,
Cause you taught us to always be strong.
From the twinkling eyes to the sparkling smile,
There you have left us with 1000 memories.
To the most enthusiastic one of the lot,
Work hard and hard work is all you taught.
The only thing that I wanted you to see,
Graduating as a lawyer and living the dream.
With immense love I have in my heart,
Rest in peace wherever you are.
I know anything that we do would be so little for all that you have done for us, but today, I promise, no matter what, I would always make you proud.
Who said when people leave, they become stars?
You haven’t become a star, you are still amongst us, guiding us in our thoughts, our actions and in the way of life. You are giving us the positive vibe to move further.
Until 08.10.2017, I always thought nothing could be more than losing a friend, a best friend or a boyfriend, but on 9th, as a 20 year old girl, I understood what it is to actually lose someone, what it is to actually live without someone, what it is to never have someone who was like a father. Trust me, the feeling, that emotion and that loss is something that’s unrepairable and irreplaceable. Something that you would never be able to express in any form. I know death is a way of life, in fact that’s life, but how do I make myself understand that you aren’t here anymore?
I would never be able to see you again?
Well that’s how life is, ‘unpredictable’. You were the one who always pushed me for further studies, who always wanted me to work and be successful, you were the one who wanted to see me in black robe, with the name Advocate Mital.
I so wish you saw me graduating from law school, I so wish you repeat that sentence one more time-
‘Mital, jitna padhna hain, jo padhna hain, Abhi time hain, baad mein, Kya ho, Kya pata’.
To the motivator, support system and an enthusiastic human, with all the love and respect in my eyes, wherever you are, wherever you would be, I know for a fact, that you would always rest in peace.
Your lil daughter,