Our Imbecile Now Sounds Like Their Lunatic

Mitch Eiven
Aug 9, 2017 · 3 min read
Donald literally set his hair on fire when he threatened North Korea with Fire and Fury. Good thing the guy with the fire extinguisher was in the house.

Honestly, sometimes we’re better off when Donald is busy Tweeting.

Sure, Trump is Twitter menace. At least when exercising his nimble, little, narcissistic fingers the world isn’t subjected to the vitriol of his raging, id-driven, blabbering, desperate-for-attention, pretend-to-be-tough voice.

His hairbrained North Korea comment earlier today might be his most destructive squawk to date. Not only did he hand Kim Jung Un a politically rhetorical gift package, he demonstrated a comprobably level of emotional, dictatorial instability.

Our village idiot blurted out twenty words (nineteen of which he probably doesn’t understand): “They will be met with fire, fury and frankly power the likes of which this world has never seen before.”

The words mean nothing to Trump. He’s a shell of a mind poorly acting out a role he’s unsuited for. He’s Jim Parsons and and David Hasslehoff (apologies to Jim and David) miscast as Dirty Harry.

More importantly, Donald impulsively, eagerly reacted to a manufactured opportunity. A life-long, high society coward, he’s been waiting years to deliver a long-repressed dick-measuring proclamation. No time better then the present, right Donald?

This, my friends, is the wanna-be “Pussy Grabber ‘n Chief”, the five time, draft dodging-weakling. This is America’s-real-deal-fool, in all his glory, safely snuggled behind the world’s most powerful bully pulpit, pretending to be the Ultimate International Fighter.

This is the great sham of this Presidency. This is day (if any day were the day) those who voted for Donald J. Trump should be ashamed of themselves.

Friends, today is the day the moron you voted for became a real and present danger.


Imagine, please, for just a moment, what must going through the minds of the South Koreans…right now. Many of their lives hang in the balance. They’re powerless to affect the mindset of a madman who commands a massive armada just forty miles north of their most populated city. Now, they’re are also powerless to affect the mindset of an insecure, supposed ally of a manchild who’s deflated ego and narcissistic abnormalities threaten a paper-thin, crystal-like, regional stability.

What must the Chinese be thinking, right now? “We’re going to work with this carnival-barking-wann-be-authoritian-clown? He’s as crazy as the guy we have next door.”

What are the Japanese thinking right now? What about the Russians? Look, Vladmir Putin isn’t our friend, and he wants to fuck the US five times to Friday, but he’s not insane. Trump is his puppet. Out of control, crazy-talk Trump is even better. Putin doesn’t have to pull the marionette strings if Donald simply decapitates western democracy on his own.

I’m no Rex Tillerson fan and I’m losing my trust in General Kelly by the hour, but they may be the only hope for nuclear sanity. Hopefully they can find a way to stifle the President. Donald needs pucker-up his lips (like he does when he’s about babble something incoherent) and stick to what he’s good at. He can whine about the press and brag about the veracity of his post-election, campaign crowd sizes. We can probably fix whatever mess he makes in the United States. He needs to stop talking about North Korea, period.

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