“Mom, no onions”

If you’re from Wisconsin, Chick-Fil-A is not just a fast food restaurant. It is the mecca of fast food restaurants. Ask the majority of Wisconsinites and they will tell you that when they travel and a Chick-Fil-A is proximate it will undoubtedly be amongst the top of their many touristy destinations.

Seriously, people from Wisconsin could be getting snapchats and updates from friends in Berlin or France and simply say “That’s kinda cool”, but you get an update from a friend who’s at Chick-Fil-A and you freak the hell out.

With that fact in mind, when I came to Nashville and found out one of my roommates worked at the holy relic that is Chick-Fil-A I knew I’d make my hajj, my holy journey, and soon. So one day my boss Kyle and I decided to take a lunch break and visit our roommate Tanner in the process.

As Kyle and I ate we both noticed a small girl poke her head out of the play room door with lightning precision. The girl paused before she spoke but preceded to stare straight into the soul of her mother with a look of straight disdain. Imagine Bernie Sanders when he talks about big banks and then multiply that look by ten.

Captivated by this little girl and what she was going to do I stopped mid-bite of my sandwich waiting for her to speak. Holding her disdainful look the little girl said very softly, and very clearly “Mom, no onions”. The mother nodded, but the girl kept her head in the door way. The mother then preceded to walk in the direction of the counter.

As the mom began to walk the girl then yelled fairly loud “MOM”, getting her attention. The mother turned around and the little girl said again “Mom, no onions”, but this time the way she said it was louder, more aggressive, and was way less discernible because the girl was frustrated. It sounded more like “MAHM N’ANIONS”!

After this the mom turned back around, but instead of going to the counter to order she goes to the ketchup station and starts to load up on ketchup and hot sauce. At this point I’m severely confused. The mom hasn’t ordered any food but has an ungodly amount of ketchup, the child hasn’t left the doorway of the play place, and as each second passes this little girls voice resembles that of a gremlin.

So at this point the child’s head is still in the doorway, but the mom has left the ketchup station and is now starting to move towards the counter. Thinking this situation had been diffused by the mom ordering I went back to eating my sandwich.

I’m back to enjoying my lunch when all of a sudden I hear the shriek of this little girl. I look and her eyes are closed, neck veins bulging, and she screams “MAAAAAAAAHHHHHMMMMM”. The mom stops ordering turns around and makes eye contact with her daughter. The little girl says one more time “No Onions” but this little girl is so angry and frustrated that her words run together and sounds like “N’UNIANS”!

Now the situation had grown into that of a real life tv show. The entire Chick-Fil-A was captivated. Will the little girl get her meal with no onions? Will her mom put onions on her meal out of spite? Will Mitch get to finish his Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich WITH onions? Let’s find out.

The child did in fact get her meal which I assume had no onions as I heard nothing from her the rest of the time at Chick-Fil-A. While this story may seem meaningless there are a few lessons that can be learned from this odyssey:

  1. If you have a young child cut your losses and just assume they don’t want onions on their food.
  2. Understand messaging. Just because you say something louder or more aggressive doesn’t make your message clearer.
  3. Chick-Fil-A is a magical place where glorious food is made and lessons are learned.

Stay NASHty my friends,

Mitch

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