Two Men I Look Up To and the Games that We Play

I will always look up to my father. Since I was young Jon Crispi’s raised me the way we hope our fathers will in the modern age. He tries not to cry but he’s unafraid to let me see when he does. I don’t think I knew it back then, but as I grow older I can pinpoint all the things he’s done for me — all the ways he’s impressed upon me an admirable image of masculinity.

“Well, since we lived in the country, the nearest friend was only one… so we tried to play [D&D]… but having one person DMing and one as a player was kind of hard. So that’s why when video games came out I was like, ‘oh, this is better than that.’” -Jon Crispi

One thing about my father: he’s a gamer. He’s always loved video games, ever since the late 80’s when they were seen as a niche hobby for the home computerist. He sat me on his lap to play games before I could speak. I came to associate that time we spent together, and video games in general, with interesting concepts. Learning, growing, maturity, masculinity, care. It was a way — my favorite way — that we expressed love. Somewhere along the line, though? I think I misunderstood.

“Why did I include you? I don’t know. That was my fun thing, and we would spend a couple hours doing it. I remember you guys would watch me play [games] as a family… You guys were interested, plus you guys just wanted to spend time with your dad, and I was trying not to ignore you! (laughs)… You’d watch me and be like — No, go there! Do that!” -Jon Crispi

Long I’ve held the notion that there was something special about my relationship to my father, to games, and to the two of them together. There was something about the experience that wasn't as simple as spending time together. Was it which games we played? Well, we played countless games about adventure through imaginative worlds. Was it how we played? We played together, as a pair — or often even as a full family. Was it less tangible than that? Something I couldn’t remember? I wonder if it was just a tender word once whispered in encouragement or support. One that nested in my mind, but was otherwise fleeting, gone to the curios eyes of academic research.

“…Less blood and guts, and more storyline — that was always my preference.” -Jon Crispi

What’s special about hanging out with your dad?

Jacob Geller is a remarkably brilliant writer of game critique. He’s creative, thoughtful, and persuasive; everything I aspire to be in my own career. And, Geller doesn’t just work with games! Sure, videos on his Youtube channel mostly cover games, but they tie in literature, academic theory, visual art, music, history, and so much more. Through this intersection of inspirations, games are made to feel like they belong in the ranks of more traditional art. In all of his work he imparts the idea that video games can and do harness the human experience, as all art should.

“You like books, and they have stories — this also has a story… These things that we appreciate in other works of art, they are also present in games.” -Jacob Geller

One thing about me: I’m a gamer. I’ve loved video games since the early 2000’s when they were seen as cheap entertainment for those of geeky proclivity. When you love something the way that I love games, you cannot help but develop a deep respect for them. I came to feel that there was an art to games that not everyone appreciated — that I’d always known this, somewhere deep down (I have no proof of this). I saw games had story, games had beauty, themes, challenge and reward. Somewhere on that journey, though, I think I misled myself.

“Talking about something as art is not putting it on a pedestal… its not an accolade — it’s just kind of a fact of medium. And so acknowledging games as art, like movies and books and whatever, is really a plea… to be like ‘lets talk about these in the same way.’” -Jacob Geller

I’ve devoutly believed that there was something special about the games that I considered art. In my dedication to championing artistic games I found myself antagonized toward games that failed to meet my own indefinite standards. In my head, the reason that the wider cultural consciousness couldn't conceive of games as art was because of the success of multiplayer games in the violent and competitive sphere. In broad media games had historically been considered merely entertaining at best, and brain-rotting, violence-inspiring, time-wasting blights at worst. Now, of course violent gamed don’t cause violent tendencies, but these games do tend to lack nuance. I thought if the public was more aware of the gentle and remarkable nature of many of my favorite games, they would help — not hinder — games on their journey toward artistic reverence.

“If you talk about people experiencing other people’s toxicity, that’s, ya know almost by necessity, going to be way more in multiplayer — no one is getting screamed at when they’re playing single player games… But also… you can look at games like The Last of Us 2 and see very similar explosions of toxicity around people feeling like their game has been feminized or whatever bullshit…” -Jacob Geller

But Geller reminded me about the history of toxicity among single player gamers — and even in the management of indie studios that produced games I consider more palpably artsy. So what’s so special about an artsy game?

The conversation with my father helped me realize that many people, even those who consume games in a healthy way, may not actively consider the effects of those games on them. For him, the games we played together were just interesting and age appropriate.

My conversation with Jacob Geller helped me realize that there is no one area of the gaming sphere to take all of the blame for toxic masculinity and behavior among gamers. But, at the very least, having the conversation of if games are art forces people to consider what they are playing, what it supports, and how they are part of it.

My father, it turns out, is a good father and an enjoyer of video games separately. Those things only influence each other in so far as I associate them; he did not knowingly imbue in me a knowledge of proper masculinity. He especially did not do that through which games he chose to play with me.

There is no list of games to avoid for children or adults for that matter. Jacob Geller played God of War and walked away from it to become one of the best working critics around. And more importantly, even he does not think that artistic criticism of games is the sole way to improve the portrayal of masculinity in games.

Coming away from these interviews I feel I’ve focused too hard on creating a specific problem to unpack. I need to focus more on the way in which masculinity is socialized in games, and through that I can create paths forward for gaming.