The Future Of Fashion and beyond

Fashion - it’s a funny thing, well it’s not so much funny as it is deadly serious. It used to be all about wearing clothes, stretching all the way back to Adam and Eve’s fig leaves, possibly one of the first known styles which is still enjoyed by many today.

In 2016, fashion can mean wearing clothes, not wearing clothes, an internal ethos that has the ability to change the way you appear, flesh piercing, flesh sketching (tattooshing), make up, hair play, absenteeism and an infinite multitude of variables accompanying the human form.

If you can barely spell Prymark then this is the guide for you. Follow me through the eye of the sewing needle and discover how to get ahead this future— in fashion.

What In The Blue Blazers Is Fashion?

The word Fashion was coined by Lord Byron Fashnu a descendant of football legend John Fashnu. Lord Fashnu was the first person to realise that the clothes he wore affected peoples perceptions of him, before him people merely covered their skin mostly out of shame.

One of Lord Fashnu’s decendents

Fashnu was also the first person to discover first impressions, he found that when meeting people for the first time he would wear a dazzling dress then after he would wear peasant garments and the person treated him as though he was still wearing a dress, fascinating or should I say — Fashionating.

To this date 4 distinct genders have been discovered so far in fashion, Androgynous, Mandrogynous, Womandrogynous and Dolphin which most looks are based on. Dolphins are one of the newest classified gender of human.

Typical Dolphin look

Fashion is probably the most popular thing in the world as every single person on the planet wears clothes to some extent. Even if it boils down to Rainforest Chic which can consist of as little as a piece of string ties around the waist or a classy feather behind the ear.

Lets looks at a few things to keep an eye on.

Timing Is Crucial:

The dust on the key pads is a nice touch.

Fashions come and go, something that was the ‘bees knees’ -fashion speak for good look- yesterday will make people point and laugh at you in the street today. It’s dangerous and everything is on the line, especially with fashion police lurking around giving people on the spot fines and known for their increasing brutality. The unfortunate man below was caught out wearing double denim and mercilessly beaten until his clothes fell off.

This unfortunate gentleman was caught wearing double denim.

Ten years ago fashion trends lasted weeks but by the end of 2016 it will be hours and by 2020 fashion trends will last mere seconds. Fashion follows Moore’s Law which is a computer science principle stating that computer speeds will double every year.

To keep up with this increase in speed we will begin to see morphing clothes that are connected to twitter feeds which animate with the latest trends, these clothes will have LEDs to emit moods and display and images, they also may change shape becoming slightly robotic and mechanical.

The Future Of Fashion

By this point it will be impossible to be unfashionable and anarchistic styles may become more important than ever as a counter-fashion.

New Look predicts that after this point we will begin to see clothes that literally project fashion onto your surroundings and I can foresee a kind of merger of fashions where two projector suits will communicate and create collaborative mutual fashion pieces on bins and other underused objects.

Steven Hawkins who used to be quite the fashionista predicts that with the advent of bio-enhanced suits, fashion will do everything, leaving you to just relax in the suit while it lives your daily life for you.

Hipster Hawkins in his fashion days

These days using more advanced technology such as Microsoft paint you are able to take a naked picture of yourself upload it into the computer and try out multiple styles with ease. We have it too easy.

Hair Today And Tomorrow:

Hair is known as the clothing that is made out of your own special fabric. I know it grows out of your own body which is far from one of the sexiest thoughts but hair is also fashion, they call it hair dressing so the clue is in the name, just like you get dressed into clothes.

Hair is going to be more exciting and more important than ever, just look at this happy bunch.

ecstatic hair models

One of the most talked about artists of today is FKA Twigs and she wears hair better than most. Here you see her merging interior design and hair in an inspiring piece.

FKA Twigs sporting a Blurberry

Can you spot the inspiration?

Take inspiration from your surroundings, FKA saw a curtain rope and changed the world.

Boris Johnson is an intelligent head of hair coincidentally attached to a body-drone, similar to Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. It is known to be the most powerful pieces of hair in the world and is currently the Mayor Of London.

Facial hair such as beards will become popular for women. Men will begin to adopt one of the newest trends known as ‘Eards’ which are little beards that hang at the bottom of your ear lobes.

An eared spotted in the wild.

Privacy:

With the NSA looking at everything we do, random CCTV in the streets and even random people with camera phones it’s important to look your best at all times however an inspiring fashion trend has emerged by this breach of privacy, it is semi-transparent blur cube also known as the Blurberry. You attach it to the front of your face and it blurs it out similar to Crimewatch or or the mosaic setting on photoshop. It’s the perfect anti-fashion dissolving your image which consequently forms a new image.

Many famous people have adopted the design. But with all great power comes abuse of said power. Some streakers have been using these devices to get away and evade cameras and also terrorists have been known to use them. We don’t know how long it will be before this fashion becomes banned and when it is, expect it to be the next hottest taboo, and we all know taboo is like lava. David Camerons hug a hoody campaign could quite easily become hug a blurry in the future.

Also supposedly hitting the high street this coming season will be cloaking devices that make you near enough invisible. It sounds crazy especially in fashion, which is all about looks, to have no look at all. To be pretty much invisible. You don’t even have to blink to miss this look so you really need to keep your eyes peeled. As with the Blurberry there are serious implications for mis-use of this fashion.

Don’t blink and you’ll still miss it.

Looking Back, The 20 Year Rule:

It seems obvious to all, but remember the influential band ‘The Steps’ from the 90s? They were a fusion of 70s Country and Disco which is from the 70s. Lets do some maths-matics, grab a calculator, what is 90–70?

It’s 20!

So we have deduced that looking back 20 years will hold some real gold and weight in the high street. We have 5 years left of the 90s so we better get googling quick. Here! This picture.

You too can look this good!

It’s easy to find inspiration especially with modern high speed internet and a few choice tactics.

Here are a few tips to help you get that 90s look:

  • Grab a pack of floppy disks and burn your business details onto them, then hand them out at events. Younger folk may not have encountered this so may refer to them as the ‘Save’ symbol.
  • You can also download the 56k router sound and have that as your message or ringtone to really turn some heads on the high street, fashion of sound.
  • Impress your friends by playing Chumbwumbas other songs at parties, they might ask you what the music is, instead of telling them, just make a disapproving sound, flick your curtain rope out of your face and walk off in the opposite direction, in disgust at the lack of diversity in their musical understanding.
  • Think about all the brands you used to wear Ellesses, Kappa, Fila. All of these are going to be very appealing, you’ll almost wish you didn’t give them away at the local charity shop.
  • Add some 90s slang to your vocabulary: The Bomb, Boo Ya!, CHA-CHING!!!, Eat my shorts!, Bogus, Hello, Gettin Jiggy, How’s it hangin?, Slammin, Old School, Please and Thank you.

The Pout Is Out:

Say goodbye to duck face. The trout pout is out but what does that mean for your selfies?

Selfies of the future will become selflesses, the invention of the mirror suit will mean that when a selfie is taken, the picture will become a reflection of the surrounding environment. Also it makes you impervious to insults because people will actually be insulting a reflection of themselves, like saying twat in the mirror, you’re not calling the mirror a twat you’re calling yourself it.

The latest mirror suit designs

Selfie sticks will be the new weapon of choice for taking pics of things that are not yourself, you may actually be able to see your favourite band live again as punters will use extremely long transparent selfie sticks to film their bands. It’s a fantastic and existing prospect. If it becomes to popular however it might seem like you’re watching your favourite band through a window rather than in the flesh.

IN CONCLUSION:

We have seen that the future is very bright and harbours exciting prospects for fashion and everyday life but this could all very easily change. With privacy and oppression at our very doorstep the freedom to express ones self with clothing and in everyday life may become very limited. It’s easy to imagine a 1984 totalitarian future also, where everyone will wear uniforms and there will be zero diversity. We are hoping for The Brave New World outcome where potentially fashion will reign and total freedom to dress and live how one wishes will rule.

Homogenisation is another thing to consider, what if everything becomes so similar that it is eventually just one thing. Some groups of fashionistas will go out in a modular form with upto 12 members creating one single outfit. We first saw this phenomenon with the Megazord in Power Rangers and now it is no longer a work of fiction. If this trend continues fashions logical conclusion will be the entire world eventually wearing one single t-shirt and everyone being an insignificant part of this larger t-shirt rather than their own individual t-shirts.

And here I present fashions logical conclusion.

The earth taking a selfie of itself. Wearing a t-shirt.