I have “gone away” quite a bit in the past 10 years. And here I am, once again, finding myself about to start a new life, in a new city, in less than 24 hours from now. I wanted to write down (and remind myself of) a few things I’ve learned about ‘leaving home’ along the way throughout the years.

The hardest part is the night before. Once you’re past that, everything is a rush until you hit your new bed again, far away from home, to spend your first night of your new life on it. It goes from not being able to fall asleep due to going through hundreds of things in your head that you might have forgotten to pack, straight to trying to process the arrival and new home.

Find your comfort zone

One thing I like to do, when I go somewhere new, is to find myself a tiny comfort zone at my destination. If it’s a new flat and I have my own room, I often try to setup the desk with my laptop right away and get connected (only to realize nobody sent me any e-mails and nobody cared, the world did in fact not break down while I was offline). If there is no desk, then jump on the bed right away and get comfortable with it. This might be tough depending on what you’ve arranged for (I once arrived without linens, bedding, sleeping bag, pillows, mattress or towels thinking there was a bed, when in fact, it was just a wooden box) — but you’ll figure it out. Sit on it for half an hour or an hour, that’s all you need to get accustomed.

Hit the grocery store

The absolute must-have things you’ll need from the grocery store are: two large bottles of water (you’ll take them to your room), at least two snacks of choice (chips or chocolate bars work wonders), kitchen tissues, anything you can eat with a spoon (it’s unbelievable comforting, trust me), a spoon, two green apples, and possibly a bagel or pastry that you’ll actually never eat.

Coming home with a bag of groceries always gives me the first boost of feeling home. Sit on the bed, eat for a bit and you’ll be happy and cozy before you know it.

Plan your first evening

Usually, if you’ve planned well ahead, you’ll be arriving in the morning or afternoon (and hopefully not at night, that’s the worst). So there’ll be an evening you need to figure out straight away, avoiding that lonely far-away-from-home feeling that usually creeps in after a few hours in a strange, new bedroom.

Sometimes you’ll have people who offer to take you out on your first evening, other times it’s just you on your own. Hit the cinema, that’s one of my personal favorites. Beware though: Suddenly realizing that you’re in a large room with hundreds of “foreigners”, sitting there all alone in the darkness, can be daunting for some. The bulletproof alternative is any nice restaurant not too far from home. McDonalds is not ideal because you’ll be done with your dinner in less than a few minutes and it’ll feel very depressing having to go home already again. Slow-food works best.

In the worst case, just take a long walk. Put on some of your favorite music and walk the neighborhood. Just avoid coffee shops (or order tea there) to save yourself from a caffeine driven sleepless night.

Calling home

Timing is everything here. If you’re going away for the first time, call your parents once you’ve landed and tell them about your next steps. This however, may not be necessary if you’ve been going away quite a bit in the past. But once the evening starts setting in, it’s definitely time for a quick call home. It helps tremendously to know that ‘home’ is only a quick call away and there’s usually always someone who picks up. If nobody’s home, I like to call a friend or two and just chat for a bit. I always find that this is the ultimate step to ‘letting go’ of home a bit and starting to accept your new place as temporary home. The only important thing is: Don’t call from your bedroom, try to avoid this if you can. If you’re grocery shopping, or going to the cinema, or whatever you’re off to do, that’s a good time. Otherwise, you’ll be falling back into scary bedroom-silence after the call, it never feels good, go take a walk and call.

Unpacking

I usually unpack only half of my things. It’s often calming to start getting organised right away, but I like to leave a lot of that to the next morning or whenever there is a strange hour of not having planned anything. Just try to keep the chaos to a minimum.

Routine and starting your “new life”

One of the things I think are super important to making yourself at home somewhere new is the act of establishing routine.

Go grocery shopping to the same store every day at first (you can switch to a different store later). Call home at an hour when you know someone’s going to pick up. Grab a coffee in the morning from that one Starbucks around the nearest corner, or much, much better, that independent coffee store nearby. Always order the same drink (if you’re like me), maybe ask some questions (how does the loyalty card work?). I always had great success with being that new customer that starts showing up at around the same time of the day (avoiding rush hour time slots like 8-9am, noon and 5-6pm), orders the same drink, always smiles and leaves a tip. Give it a week and they’ll remember your drink and if you’re lucky, even your name. Once the barista gives you that unique smile, remembering your drink and name for the first time, you’ll know: You have arrived now. It’ll be a good day. It’s unbelievable how comforting it suddenly is, to have this stranger, a barista, remember your name and drink. Trust me.

If you’re in the city for an internship or a job, it’s usually a huge comfort to establish a routine, like buying breakfast in the same store, eating lunch in the park on Mondays, call home during lunch on Tuesdays, or whatever strikes you fancy.

Get involved, meet people

This can be one of the harder things to accomplish, especially if you went abroad all by yourself. Usually you’re there for a reason, may it be school or work. So you’ll be around other people a bit for sure. As soon as someone invites your for a round of drinks after work or going out, GO. I am the type of person who likes to decline such things and maybe join in later, in a few weeks if something comes up again. But this is crucial. Go as soon as you can. There’s always one or two people you won’t like, but this is the only chance to meet the right people. Those who you’ll discover similar interests with, those who keep calling you up for a round of soccer in the park when you would be sitting at home on a Sunday afternoon instead. For most people, this is all you need to get started. But there’s a few more ideas I’ve noticed to work quite well:

Go to a meet-up. Not a dating meet-up, but maybe a startup meet-up, or one for Erasmus students, or a pub quiz, or whatever you can find and wait until someone strikes up a conversation. If that happens, go to a similar / same event again sometime soon and nod to the person or say hi if you see them again. Doing this a few times might help you establish a friendship or two over time.

Ask if you can join a game at a park. Typically, on weekends, all parks are full with people playing all kinds of sports. Pick a sport that has a high rate of random people in it, just meeting up to play a game, usually dodge ball, or frisbee or possibly soccer. Just stand nearby for a while and observe. When someone takes a break, or they’re done for the day, ask if they know whether there are similar groups playing games or if this is a closed event type of thing. Usually they’ll invite you to just join them next weekend. Make sure you remember the person you talked to and approach him/her right away when you do show up the week after. Now you’re in. There’s usually always drinks after and this is a great way to get started with new friends. You’ll be able to differentiate them after a while from those close-friend groups that also go out to play within their own circles.

And lastly, the easiest one: Find people from your own country or city. Whereever you go, there’s always someone who comes from the same place like you (or nearby). Those people are easily approachable, find them online and send them a mail for a quick lunch or before-work coffee or something. Ask if they can give you some getting-started tips and that’ll be all you need to get involved rather fast (unless you’re a creeper). Ask around on Facebook if someone can recommend you a friend or two in the new city to get some getting-started advice and there’ll always be a person who hooks you up. It’s really straight forward.

And before you know it, you’re on the plane home. Maybe 3 months after, maybe 10 years later. And leaving that place you found so oddly discomforting during your first moments, will be just as hard as going there in the very first place. You’ll be leaving friends behind, a home you learned to love (or accept) and restaurants you will be missing your whole life long.

But never forget, this is only the beginning or end of one chapter, in a book of many pages. That book can be as thick or thin as you want. You can stop writing your own history anytime, if you want. Until then, go explore life.