Thank you for your openness about this. At 69 I’ve been battling my body for the last 61 years, so I understand. On top of everything I have a younger sister who was pretty and thin while I thought myself fat and ugly.
In the 1950s and 60s it wasn’t just the medical professions telling us we were “bad.” My father led the charge for me to lose weight with taunts and teases. So in front of others. I was berated by cousins and fellow students, in every school.
My persona became “the big girl who could do anything.” Especially when I became an RN. “Mitzi can take the large patients. She’s a big girl.” Now almost 50 years later, this big girl’s back has multiple issues. “This big girl” who could do anything has a diagnosis of depression and fibromyalgia.
So, Iljeoma. I understand. I know. I’ve lived it for far too long.
Blessings and may I suggest a writer to give you inspiration: Roxane Gay.