3 Reasons I am Afraid of Pursuing My Passions and How I Plan to Overcome Them
Over the years, I have felt ambivalent about my passions. I want to start writing and start a side hustle, but it’s difficult for me to proceed.
When others feel stuck in pursuing their passions, I could be a good planner or advisor; yet I suck at being a good planner for myself. Some of my friends also have the same problem. Why is that? The only answer I could think of is that my brain got messy when it comes to making plans for myself. The solution? I had no clue at all.
I dig deeper into my heart. (It’s hard but it’s time to face it.) I tried to figure out what keeps me away from pursuing my passions. Here are the 3 possible reasons and what I plan to do next.
Reason 1: Social Comparison
“I’m not ready.” “I’m not good enough.” Self-doubt thoughts like these often occupy my mind. Even if I know they are toxic, only when I fight so hard could I convince myself to think otherwise.
In my opinion, the source of self-doubt is comparison. We think we are not good enough when compared to X. According to some studies, as much as 10 percent of our thoughts involve comparisons. It’s inevitable. Since we have no control over it, what can we do?
To find a solution to this problem, let’s think about: what makes up a comparison. To compare yourself with something, you should know the following:
- The present you (your talents and abilities)
- Your goal (what you want to become or the ideal/future version of you)
- The greats (someone better than you, whom you look up to and want to learn from or cooperate with)
Knowing these is a good start; we can make good use of it. The solutions to social comparison, I believe, are hidden behind how you deal with the relationship between the present you v.s. your goal, and the present you v.s. the greats.
- Between the present you & the future you
We know well what we want to become, and what we are at present. We’re not sure if we can or how long it might take to make it. Uncertainty brings us fear. That’s why we got cold feet. In this case, we should:
“Measure the gain, not the gap.” by Dan Sullivan
It means: comparing the present you with the past you, not the future you.
Since we can’t avoid comparison, we make use of it. Shift our focus from how much we gain instead of how much we haven’t become. What we should do is be happy and satisfied with what we have accomplished and improved. It would provide us with confidence and motivation to keep going.
Meanwhile, be patient. (This is exactly what I lack!) Even if we only reach a 1% improvement every day, it results in 37x improvement a year! (See more on “Continuous Improvement: How It Works and How to Master It” by James Clear.)
2. Between the present you & the greats
Role models are not only my goals but the source of my motivation. Yet if I focus too much on how great they are, self-doubts would show up quite often to torture me.
My approach to deal with this:
▸ Note that “Every expert was once a beginner.”
(It’s a quote by Helen Hayes.) No one is born excellent. Acknowledge that the greats also put in a great amount of time and effort to become what they are now. I am on my way there.
▸ Try to hang with the greats.
I want to be great and hang with the greats to be better. Instead of watching them from afar, is it possible to make meaningful contact or even cooperate with them? (Read more on Dan Koe’s “The Non-Needy Networking Process (How To Make High Value Connections)”)
I don’t want to let comparison or self-doubt stop me from my passion. As Zig Ziglar put it, “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.”
Reason 2: Fear of Failure
It’s often said that failure is a good teacher. Then why do we still fear it? In my experience, it is (1) embarrassment and (2) the uncertainty of stepping outside of my comfort zone that brings me this fear.
(1) Embarrassment
I tend to worry too much about how others see my attempts on my way to the goal. But actually, no one cares that much about what we’re doing. In the end, what truly matters is the process I pursue my passion. It’s all about me. Mind no one who looks down on me. I am the only person who takes responsibility for my life. If I care too much about others’ opinions and thus give up my passion, I believe I’ll end up regretting it someday.
(2) Afraid of leaving our comfort zone
A comfort zone is where we can retreat, where we feel safe and in control. Thinking of leaving it, it’s almost like asking us to skydive all of a sudden. To overcome the discomfort, we can try to make it more comfortable by:
▸ Redefining failure
- Failure= tried lots of things and not working yet. That’s all. Nothing more.
- Failure= a redirection (You’re on the wrong path. Try another one.)
- Failure= you get another shot to do it better!
- Failure= a chance to come back stronger; You’ll face failures with grace gradually. (How cool is that.)
Failure is not the end of your journey. Giving up is.
“Failure doesn’t make you give up. Failure happens when you give up.” Mel Robbins
Embrace uncertainty and discomfort. Be a failure to reach success.
Reason 3: Messy Brain
If you are a good advisor/planner for others, but cannot think straight when it comes to your projects (your passions), you are not alone. A lot of times, my mind is so chaotic before taking the first step to pursue my passion. I don’t know where to start, why I’m anxious, and what is ahead of me. Every time this happens to me, I would tell myself to take a step back to keep a distance between myself and my projects.
▸ Get a fresh pair of eyes on my projects.
When I have a messy brain, I’ll discuss it with my friends, or someone who’s experienced. Sometimes, merely talking about it brings a clearer vision. After the discussion, you might also get valuable feedback.
▸ My project is not my project.
If it was my friend’s project, what would be my advice? Try to make a step-by-step checklist, and then focus on finishing them one by one.
I am the only thing stopping me.
Social comparison, fear of failure, and messy brain- they are all about how I perceive myself in pursuit of my passion. It seems that my mindset is the only thing stopping me. Finally, let me share with you a few reminders for myself (hopefully they would inspire you, too!):
- Just do it. Show up every day.
- Don’t give up. The game’s over when we said it’s over. When we give up, we tend to overlook possibilities or stop looking for one.
- When my mindset changes, things change with it.
- Keep on keeping on. I might encounter something unexpected along the way.
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