Don’t go home for Thanksgiving — but if you do, here’s how to deal with Trump-loving family members.

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Photo: Granger Wootz/Getty Images

I already tried to tell y’all that a Thanksgiving gathering isn’t worth a tragic death by Christmas, so the best idea this year is to stay the fuck home and make your own turkey. Turkey isn’t that bad if you inject it with Cajun seasoning or ask some Black man over 40 in the South to deep-fry it for you. But the problem isn’t the bird — it’s the people foolishly gathering around this week to eat it.

As the latest travel reports show, many won’t be opting for cooking at home or ordering takeout: Americans are flying at pre-plague levels. …

You really want to restore the soul of the nation? Free everyone of their six-figure albatross.

President- elect Joe Biden answer questions from the press at the Queen in Wilmington, DE on November 10, 2020.
President- elect Joe Biden answer questions from the press at the Queen in Wilmington, DE on November 10, 2020.
Photo: Demetrius Freeman/The Washington Post/Getty Images

As much as I have talked about my private student loans over the course of two books and countless articles, you’d think I would be a lot happier about finally reading the words, “Congratulations! Your private student loan is paid in full.”

Up until 2020, there hadn’t been a single year in which the burden of the debt attached to those loans didn’t reduce me to anger and tears of frustration at least once. In several of those years, those moments took place on multiple occasions — and were followed by dark, depressive periods. I could not have predicted that the economy I was going to graduate into in the late 2000s would make financial circumstances even more volatile. …

Covid is shaping all of our lives: In my case, it means moving back home

An order of blue crab nachos
An order of blue crab nachos
Photo courtesy of Cyclone Ayana’s

My waitress was kind enough to pretend not to notice, but I’m sure she could see how red and watery my eyes were. and figure out what was going on. I pulled it together, though, and got my order together: a full-size order of the blue crab nachos and a jalapeño margarita.

I was sitting outside at the Cyclone Ayana’s location in Houston in the area now known as Midtown, which used to be known as just Fourth Ward before gentrification. I did not eat inside because I am no fan of tempting fate, much less during a plague. …

Are you willing to risk it all for family time during a pandemic?

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Photo: suteishi/Getty Images

In mid-October, Japanese researchers released an animation that used a supercomputer to examine how particles spread when sitting at a table — a terrifying but informative way to learn of just how risky it is to reach over for cornbread dressing during a pandemic.

(And before anyone starts, yes, it’s still dressing, not stuffing. It will always be this way because that is the correct way.)

The visual, however, indirectly confirms my fears that America is really fucked this holiday season. Joe Biden may be the president-elect, but he, vice president-elect (Howard University’s own) Kamala Harris, and the rest of us still have to contend with the current administration’s “let them die” approach to the medical crisis. …

Our politics can be complex, but Donald Trump is not a riddle — and neither are the people who continue to support him

A Trump supporter at an election eve rally wears a US flag hat with lights spelling Trump and a MAGA flag around his neck
A Trump supporter at an election eve rally wears a US flag hat with lights spelling Trump and a MAGA flag around his neck
Photo: Kamil Krzaczynski/Stringer/Getty Images

Leave it to this country and the year 2020 to make even victory miserable.

By Wednesday afternoon, Joe Biden had received more votes than any presidential candidate in history. Joe Biden, of all people. According to the Associated Press, at 2:38 p.m. that day, the former vice president amassed 70,330,000 votes — breaking Barack Obama’s 2008 record of 69,500,000 votes. Those votes for Biden accounted for more than 50% of the total number of votes counted so far, with the percentage looking to widen as votes in states across the West were fully counted.

Wasn’t that Biden’s whole shtick? That he and he alone could beat Donald Trump? …

How much longer can a person act as if being pro-life and anti-marriage equality supersedes all other Christian values?

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Liberty University students at a Trump rally in 2016. Photo: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Last Tuesday, during a 50-minute interview on Fox & Friends, President Trump claimed that Joe Biden wants to take away God from Texans.

“They want to take away your guns, your oil, and your God. That’s what they want,” Trump claimed over the phone. “That’s not for Texas. Texas is not going to be losing their guns and they’re not going to be losing their oil and they’re not going to be losing their religion or their God.”

This spectacularly inane claim recalls a similarly stupid accusation made by the reality game show host and longtime scammer turned president in a separate interview with Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera back in August. “He’s against the Bible,” Trump said of Biden at the time. When Rivera responded by noting it was “harsh” to say this about a devout Catholic, Trump — a heathen by literal definition — countered with, “Well, the people who control him totally are. …

Like clockwork, the wealthy and famous are being guided by their bank accounts, not principles

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50 Cent. Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

On Tuesday, 50 Cent took to Instagram to reveal that like other wealthy people, his choice for president in the upcoming election will largely be based not on Black folks’ subjugation, but on taxation.

First, the rapper-actor-Hollywood producer posted a screengrab from a CNBC news segment suggesting that under Joe Biden’s tax plan, he would be subjected to a tax rate of 62%. “🤷🏽‍♂️ don’t care Trump doesn’t like [Black] people 62% are you out of ya fucking mind,” he wrote. Right under it is a comment from Bigot Barbie, better known as internet troll Tomi Lahren: “Welcome to the Trump Train!” …

If this was a sport, our parents would be LeBron James

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Photo: SOPA Images/Getty Images

As sick as I am of Donald Trump, I am no match for my mama — and based on recent observations, probably not for yours either.

Whenever my mom is about to say something that might be considered impolite, she prefaces her comments with “Lord forgive me.” …

You can’t characterize Breonna Taylor’s killing as justified and then complain about intolerance

Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron stands on stage in an empty Mellon Auditorium while addressing the RNC.
Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron stands on stage in an empty Mellon Auditorium while addressing the RNC.
Photo: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Given the year she’s had, I trust that Megan Thee Stallion knows a useless Black man when she spots one. And Daniel Cameron is not a hard Negro to peg. None of his kind ever are.

In her SNL debut over the weekend, Megan briefly paused her performance of “Savage” to condemn the Kentucky attorney general for his handling of Breonna Taylor’s case. Cameron has been widely condemned for claiming the officers responsible for the fatal shooting of Breonna Taylor were “justified” in their actions at a press conference last month. …

The problem isn’t being surprised by Trump’s callousness — it’s allowing him to numb you to the point that we mirror his behavior

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Photo: Alexi Rosenfeld/Getty Images

Last week, the United States met a historical moment with a collective shrug — as clear a signal as any the national nightmare that has made us the pity of the world will only grow deadlier in the months ahead.

According to data collected by Johns Hopkins University, the U.S. officially crossed 200,000 Covid-19 deaths. That figure — most likely a significant undercount — and the 6.8 million confirmed infections reaffirm how poorly America has failed to protect its population. In just six months, more Americans have died from the coronavirus than those that were killed in World War I, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War combined. …


Michael Arceneaux

Author of “I Can’t Date Jesus” and “I Don’t Want To Die Poor.” Houstonian.

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