Republican Debate: Stray Shots

I didn’t have time to write a proper post on the Republican debate so I’m just gonna post some thoughts here:

  • Scott Walker can win this debate believe it or not. All he has to do is say the words ‘unintmidated’ and ‘go Packers’… And absolutely nothing else!
  • Marco Rubio, still trying to convince the majority of America of his love for hip hop, will recite lyrics from the Snoop Doggy Dogg classic ‘Bitches Ain’t Shit’. Which he assumes is about Snoop coming home to find out his border collie made a mess on his kitchen floor.
  • I’m just saying Republican voters have it so rough this time around. I mean these debates consist of a who’s who of incompetent and inconsequential. There’s not even a reliable Romneybot that people can settle on in 2016 smh.
  • John Kaisich is fulfill the token bland Midwestern governor position that Mr. Tim Pawlenty coveted back in 2012. Remember to take sips of red bull whenever he starts talking. I don’t want you guys to fall asleep on this most momentous of occasions.
  • Rand Paul a few weeks ago took a chainsaw to the tax code. Word on these Cleveland streets is that tonight he’s gonna take a sledge hammer to the Patriot Act. But with a watermelon being used as a symbol for said Patriot Act. He’s also for some reason wearing a fake mustache, suspenders, a tight striped shirt and a beret. You gotta do something to get attention on a 10-person debate stage, right?
  • Jeb Bush has made it very clear that if the moderator brings up his Brother or his Father…. He actually won’t do anything for fear of losing that sweet, sweet Bush donor contacts list.
  • If Ben Carson says something absolutely mind-numbingly stupid on the debate stage tonight, you can say that what he said was absolutely mind-numbingly stupid. Just know that you are a racist who doesn’t like to see a smart, strong Black man who is off the ‘Democrat plantation’ with his own half baked, nonsensical ideas/thoughts.
  • Santorum looks like Mr. Rodgers if he went to Liberty University and worked on the 1980 Reagan campaign.
  • Honestly I don’t even have a strong opinion on Santorum. I just know that if by some miracle he does get the GOP nomination I will for sure be actively campaign against him. No, not because of his policies. I just refuse to have a President whose urban dictionary definition says what his says. I’m one of those self respecting people so I won’t actually link it and you guys know how to internet so it shouldn’t be that hard to find. Once you do though, you should be in agreement with me that this man should never be President.
  • Finally, if you’re doing a drinking game, please don’t take a shot every time Ted Cruz talks about how smart he is, or every time Donald Trump mentions money/his net worth. I don’t want you all to end up hospitalized.

Well there they are, my stray shots. I hope y’all at least chuckled at a couple of these and happy debate watchin’!