Daughter of Abba, Etc.

Today my thoughts run not to a God who can do unimaginable things, but to an unimaginable God.
 
 As a child, I thought I wasn’t smart enough, cute enough, quiet enough, “son” enough, anything enough to keep my father from leaving. Soul-crushing fact: Almost all abandoned children believe wholeheartedly — make that HOLE-heartedly — that they deserved to be left. When the door slams, we never think, “How dare you?” only, “What did I do?” 
 
 When I became a Christian, I learned that God was my Father. I assumed that meant He was LIKE my father. Nobody tells you differently at the beginning. Maybe they don’t want to scare you. It might have helped in my case, because the image I had in my head was of an unsmiling, uncaring bill payer with one eye on my behavior and the other on the exit at all times. I just knew the moment I wasn’t “something enough,” He would be gone. 
 
 But my Father taught me that Love is nothing if not patient. When relationships didn’t work out, He remained. When I mourned the babies I would never give birth to, He rocked me in His arms. When I complained to Him — even about Him — or threw my life back in His face and demanded He do better, He listened. When I messed up or misunderstood Him — heck, when I LEFT HIM — He held my place and even celebrated when I returned.
 
 Look, maybe “exceeding, abundantly, above all you could ask or think” means something grander than this, but when I met God, He was just an invisible dude who hadn’t left me YET. I didn’t ask Him not to leave. It never entered my head. Today however, in my head and my heart, He is — wow, where to begin… 
 
 Protector, Lover of my crushed soul, my Breath. My Silence and my Noise. Wisdom, Strength, Laughter, Hope, Hiding Place, Path and Destiny. He is King, Father, Daddy, Pop, Abba, and everything Wonderful in between.
 
 I simply did not have it in me to ask, expect, or imagine Him to be who He is to me…and there is still so much more.
 
 Mind blown.