Encourage Me
If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, I suspect we all have one or two well-meaning friends easing us down that road, without meaning to, and all in the name of love.
I am reminded of a conversation I had with a BFF — we’ll call her Rita — about my plans for dropping 30+ pounds. I shared my belief that dealing with issues weighing down my insides should help me tackle the pounds I saw in the mirror every day. I dreamed aloud of being able to help others get free. My enthusiasm was evident. Then I felt the first few drops of the coming bucket of ice water.
“You look fine. Your clothes fit you fine. What kind of standard are you trying to live up to?”
“Look at my frame,” I told her, on the phone, but waving my hands over my body the way a Price Is Right model shows off a new car. “I should not be carrying all of this on it. I have more fat on me than is healthy. Plus, like I said, the pounds are just an outward expression of inward stuff. The inside is my main focus. After that, the pounds will take care of themselves.”
I was sure she could hear me grinning proudly from ear to ear. I was wrong. She actually seemed agitated with me for some reason.
“I don’t understand. Why can’t you just be satisfied with the way God made you,” she snapped back, “with whatever bones and flesh, and puffy fat you have? Why do you have to beat yourself up all the time?”
“This is not the way God designed me. I did this to me.” I repeated the words of another friend who had begged me to succeed at this so I could help him. He told me, “I want to die one day because it’s time for me to go, not because I didn’t take care of myself.”
“I have obviously not been a good steward of the body God gave me,” I said. I was making sound, practical, honest sense to my own ears. Why wasn’t she hearing me?
“Says who? That’s just low self-esteem talking.”
She was actually fighting me about this. Since when was saying you must do better by yourself a function of low self-esteem?
“Look, I just want you to be happy,” she finally said.
“Want me to be whole,” I countered. “Want me to be healthy and healed. Want me to be willing to do the work, even when I’m not happy. Want me to have joy, which doesn’t always come with being comfortable or happy.”
“I just want you to be happy.” She said it again. But “happy” was not the point. It’s not the point of life. I couldn’t make her see that, so I decided to use her language.
“Rita, I am ‘happiest’ when I am everything I have the God-given power to be.”
It seemed to depress her and take the wind out of her sails that I wasn’t willing to settle in where my bad choices had brought me. She sort of sighed like she was giving up on her pathetic friend and said her good-byes.
I sat for some minutes after we hung up and thought about how desperately she was trying to change my mind about this. She really thought she was helping me. And she was angry that I was being so stubborn.
How much damage do we do when we fail to encourage a brother or sister’s attempts to improve themselves? How badly do we hinder their progress when we push them toward complacency and compromise? “God loves you just the way you are.” How many times has that beautiful truth been used to murder someone in pursuit of their destiny?
Of course God loves me just as I am. And because He’s God — unchangeable and complete — He or His love will not become greater if I am fitter, richer, or nicer. Nor will it lessen if I take up drinking or stripping. God’s love for me is not in question. And it’s not the point.
The point is my love for Him.
Do I love God “just the way He is”? Do I know that He is high, holy, worthy of worship, a Master who expects me to honor Him with all the things He has given me, including my body; a good Shepherd who would guide me back to good pastures if I went astray?
Don’t go changin’ to try and please me…
That’s a lyric written by a man; a man who knew his own limitations and unworthiness to receive the gift of a lover’s transformation in his name and for his sake. A man who is clearly not God, because God would like nothing more than for us to believe change is possible, especially when it seems impossible. Doesn’t He desire my best efforts? Doesn’t He deserve the pleasure of my faith in Him?
If I decide to become someone better than I am, ENCOURAGE ME. Trust the One who seems to know a thing or two about order and direction to walk alongside me. Trust the One who gave me these plans I have for myself and His willingness to help me see them realized.
If I choose to evolve, grow, break free of some things that have held me bound for too long, ENCOURAGE ME. Don’t keep showing me the easy way out, or the low bar. I’m stronger than that. Let me live up to the expectations of the Spirit within me.
If I want to go deep into my soul, and pull out all the painful, ugly, garbage that keeps me afraid of intimately connecting with others, ENCOURAGE ME. There is no safety in hiding. There is only loneliness, and I’m tired of being lonely.
You do me no favors when you tell me to embrace the consequences of my indulgences. You are not helping me when you ask me to be satisfied with running half a race. There’s no such thing as half a win or a partial prize. I am not freer when you let me off the hook.
If you love me, ENCOURAGE ME. Give me some of your courage, because I may be afraid as I move forward. If you don’t have any courage for me — if you have no confidence in me, or you are too afraid that I will fail — again — say nothing at all. Just watch and pray.
And when I finish this race, I will encourage you.
