I Chose the Clock

I can’t say that I’m the woman who always wanted children. Yes, I played with dolls as a kid, but I didn’t grow up around a lot of babies, didn’t fantasize about my future with children, and never babysat a day in my life. Nonetheless, after 5 years of marriage, my husband and I decided to try to start a family of our own. God graced us with a handsome son who instantly opened a place in my heart that I never knew existed. I can honestly say that I l-o-v-e being a mom.

In thinking about having a second baby, I would ask my friends and colleagues how did you financially prepare? What did you do in advance, if anything? More often than not, the response was along the lines of, “you’ll just figure it out and make it work.” As a married, ambitious, mid-career professional with a graduate degree, knowing many people who have “made it work” with less, I avoided doing the math. Did I want to be further along in my career? Yes! Did I want to be debt-free and have more disposable income in the bank? Of course! And what would that have taken? More time? Focus? Sacrifice? All of the above, perhaps.

Here we are, 4 years later, and after getting what I’d consider to be a “good grip” on what parenting requires, we felt ready to try to expand our family again. God graced us with a second wonderful son, and now our little family is complete.

Eventually, I did the math. $27,560/year or about $2300/month for 2 kids in childcare. Ha! I never even considered the question, “Can I afford to work?” With our first child, we made sacrifices (like not shopping, eating out, vacation), but those things all seemed like a normal part of becoming a parent — an ‘automatic’ response of sorts to having more responsibility. But having one child didn’t really change our lifestyle that much. I returned to work not too long after my first was born, and life just kind of went on to become a “new” normal.

Clearly, having a second child would at least double our childcare expenses. I thought, maybe I could work a second job part-time. Maybe I could be a stay-at-home mom. Maybe we could just wait, and save money for a year or two more. Maybe we would only have one child. All reasonable options. But there’s this crazy space called “in the meantime” where options are weighed, risks are calculated, and decisions are made.

We did the math, heard the clock, and simply chose the clock. The natural, biological God-given window of time to try to bring another life into this world. The clock that screams, “You’re not getting any younger!” The clock that reminds us that we never really know what the future holds, and even the most air-tight, perfect plans can be turned upside-down in an instant. C’est la vie!

In faith, we leapt. And as my maternity leave draws to an end the question looms, “How is this supposed to work?” I guess we’ll figure it out. Soon.