My Sons’ Peace

I love my sons more than life itself. As I watch them sleep, listening to their every breath, I cherish the peace of my babies’ slumber knowing that a violent and hateful world awaits them.

The terror and awe of having my heart outside of my body keeps me up at night because I can’t protect them. I know I can’t be with them 24/7 to explain all there is to life, to help them navigate this mess, to teach them how to be the light in a dark world.

I don’t think I can hold them enough. At some point I have to release my grip and let them explore, decide for themselves, what to make this life.

It saddens me to think that my sons may have to climb the same mountains as their forefathers, face the same battles for dignity and respect. That my sons may have to make a case for their value. That my sons’ skin color may always dictate society’s perception of their ability, their contribution, their worth.

The oldest one is four years old. He is carefree and social, loving all things fast and fun, with energy for days. The little one is four months old. Calm and quiet so far…unless he’s hungry and then he quickly loses all his manners. Together they bring great harmony to our home.

It’s just a matter of time before the world no longer sees my angels, but sees them as threatening, menaces to society, based on their skin color alone. The police have been given license to kill. History and current data indicate that my sons are more likely than any other group to find themselves in that fatal predicament.

So I stay up at night, through my exhaustion, to pray that armies of angels would surround my sons day and night. I stay up at night to listen to them inhale, exhale, completely in a state of rest, knowing that they are safe and secure. I stay up at night, cherishing these moments, knowing that all is well, believing the best for them, and hoping that I’ll never, ever, have to live life without them.

And with each sunrise my love for them grows, and a new charge to guard their peace, their rightful place in this world, overtakes my soul.

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