The prayer meeting at the back of my house

I know the kristocrazy ones will probably descend on me so hard their breathe might even make my afro turn bald, so here’s my disclaimer. I was born into a Christian home to kristocrazy parents who ensured we never missed Sunday school, church and midweek services — until of course I was old enough to backslide. Growing up I was taught that prayer is communicating with God. That definition is so simple it’s one of the few things I remember from way back in addition to John 10:30. I have in recent times been wondering if the definition of prayer still holds today — why shouldn’t I, after all we have greatly evolved as humans, plus a lot has changed in the world itself. Insecticides don’t kill insects anymore, babies are born with the eyes open, in month one they know how to open YouTube on iPads, men don’t really have appetite for virgins anymore… a lot has changed. Even communicating with God now requires some special skills.

The slaps and gunshots

Who are those fighting at this time of the night I thought to myself when I first heard the chaotic screams coming from the school park behind my house. Next thing I heard was Jesus. Jesus? Since when did street fighters call on Jesus! I got interested and listened more intently to — oh it’s a prayer meeting. After a while the meeting got more interesting when the one leading the prayer time asked that they slap the devil. At this point I was fully in partial attendance as I peeked and listened from my bedroom. This was a gathering of about 10 to 15 people, mostly women interspersed with a few men. The leader of the meeting was male. They slapped and slapped and slapped. I began to question all the prayers I had prayed in 2016 that didn’t get answered. Could it be that the formula for praying changed and I didn’t get the info? The group appeared determined to give the devil a migraine or possibly brain damage by the time the meeting was over. Thinking about it now, the clapping or slapping was done in unison, very orderly. The kind of unison that meant they had either practiced the slapping technic or done it together so often they had learnt each other’s ways. If what was happening before my eyes was on Facebook I would have pressed like.

There was silence as the meeting leader announced the next prayer topic. The squad charged at the devil again but this time no slaps. Just verbal attacks. As if hell wasn’t hot enough for the devil already. He had to take more heat from the prayer warriors. There were multiple groups on the park plus some individuals who were attacking the devil as lone rangers.

Another moment of silence in readiness for the next prayer topic but before then the group had to repeat some lines after the leader. The lines sounded reasonable until I heard… in twi… “obonsam eyyy. me bor wo tuo — payyyyy”. In English that translates to “hey devil, I shoot you — payyyyy”. Well, payyyy is the gunshot sound just in case you’re wondering. Just after shooting the devil there was another prayer topic aimed at the devil. He didn’t die? Multiple gunshots from several people and he still walks?

Day after day I hear more of such slap and gunshot filled prayers on the park. I wonder when christians of today are going to learn that the battle is not against flesh and blood. All the excessive energies poured into prayer only result in body pains. If prayer is communicating with God then I think we are deafening Him with all the screaming and yelling and wailing.

Oh and did I mention I am a preacher's son?