Don’t try to “convert” monogamous people: A Short Rant

Hello everyone! I’m going to apologize for this post ahead of time because it’s late on New Year’s Eve and I have a cold as I write this post, and I want to make sure it goes out on time. And that means selecting a topic that I can write about without putting a ton of thought into it! Anyway, now that that housekeeping is done, I can get into it.


One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing polyamorous people trying to convert monogamous people into polyamory. Or speaking as if being polyamorous is somehow superior to monogamy. It isn’t. Neither way of existing or and experiencing love is superior to the other. As I mentioned in my introductory post, monogamy and polyamory exist on a spectrum. I also can’t say that without a shoutout to asexual and aromantic people. You exist too! And you’re okay as you are. Just like polyamorous people are okay as they are and monogamous people are okay as they are. No way of experiencing love (or not experiencing it) is any better than another.

There’s nothing wrong with making other people aware of polyamory or talking about one’s own experiences. It’s possible that some people will hear about it and realize that it’s the right descriptor for them. But if someone identifies as monogamous and continues to identify that way, please, please do not push them into being polyamorous. That’s a horrible thing to do. For my poly readers, how do you feel when someone tries to convince you that you need to be monogamous? If you’ve ever tried to tell someone they need to be polyamorous, you’re making them feel the same way.

I do understand if there’s someone you really want to date and they’re monogamous, but if you genuinely like that person you need to be respectful of who they are and how they are.


This brings me to the second huge pet peeve I find when some poly people interact with monogamous people or blog or talk about polyamory. The idea that being polyamorous is somehow “more evolved” or better for everyone than monogamy. Please, stop that sort of crap. People need to be allowed to be themselves. I can understand that some poly people have been treated very poorly and have had bad experiences with monogamy; that using poly-superiority rhetoric can help deal with the feelings of self doubt and otherness from society. I can understand why some people feel this way, but I don’t think it’s the best way toward self-acceptance. And certainly not the best way for polyamory to be accepted by society at large. Plus, it’s just mean, and wrong, to tell someone that the way they were born is inherently inferior.

Again, I apologize for this short rant and I hope it wasn’t too confusing. We’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week! Thanks for reading!

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