Overcoming failure

“Is that Veronica?” One man asked as he peeps through the window of a moving SUV. The other gentleman chattered, “yes that’s her.” The first gentleman responded with amazement “Is she still here?”

Then the car disappeared into the horizon, and I couldn’t hear them anymore. This was a conversation between my two ex-college classmates as they passed me on my way from the college campus to town; they were done with their studies. Curious about their discussion? Stick around and find out later in this article.

I know failure all too well from a younger age and if you are an adult like me, chances are you have your own stories to narrate about failure.

Failure is a setback or a stumbling block or an obstacle that at first hand you might think it’s meant to derail you from the course of your destiny or to prevent you from achieving your goals and living the life you have dreamt of and know you deserve.

Too often it feels as if failure occurs easily, that it doesn’t take much effort to find yourself face to face with failure and it felt like this for me that subconsciously I was murmuring these statements on repeat like a mantra during a meditation session.

“Sometimes I am too scared to get excited or to receive good news because it can all go away. I am so unlucky! Why do bad things always happen to me? I swear nothing seems to be going right for me.”

This article will help you overcome failure and the emotions tangled with it in order to continue pursuing your dreams.

1. Keep busy.

“Misery loves company, and an idle mind is a devil’s workshop.” When you are going through the phase of failure, the biggest temptation is to avoid the outdoors or anything that might expose you to people and the outside world.

While it is totally okay to mourn whatever you are going through, prolonging the mourning period can be detrimental for you mentally and physically. The longer you isolate yourself the more you take a serious knock in other parts of your life.

So, what can you do? Engage in activities that will keep your mind occupied and stimulated in a healthy way. I am not saying numb your mind from what is happening in your life or avoid dealing with it. What I mean here is that distract your mind with activities that make you forget about your failure even for a second. Examples of those activities are:

· Do charity work.

You can volunteer at a homeless shelter, or a children’s home, or tutor students at a local school; I mean the list is endless. These activities help you as much as you are helping those who might be less fortunate. Sounds cliched but charity work opens a new way of thinking and teaches you gratitude.

I picked volunteering at a children’s home, and I’d go there on Saturdays when I am free. We would help bathe and feed the children, fold their clothes, play with them and so on. There were no moments those children were sad, even under those circumstances they woke up each day full of life and happiness. Seeing how happy they were, gave me the strength to wake up each day and face life amidst the dark moments I was facing in my life, furthermore, I learned to appreciate my life.

· Spend time in nature.

Go hiking, visit a park, or go to the beach; or any natural landscape that you prefer. Communing with mother nature is soothing, and calming and makes you appreciate the beauty that is around you at that time. You can go alone or with a friend.

· Spend time with family and friends.

These are the people who love you no matter what, and you could really do with love and support during your tribulations. Therefore, spend as much time you can with them as possible for support, motivation and love.

Avoid family and friends who lack compassion and kindness or who wouldn’t offer the kind of support that you need.

I know it may sound funny, but I have friends for different needs in my life. Those that I call if I need motivation and support, the ones I turn to when I need a weekend of fun, alcohol, and reckless behavior. Don’t judge! And the ones who don’t sugarcoat the news but give it me raw with compassion and kindness of course, regardless of how it will make me feel.

2. Avoid self-blame.

· When faced with failure, it is important to sit down with yourself and truly introspect to assess where things went wrong to take accountability for the part you played in your situation. This helps you own up to your mistakes so you can learn from them as you go on with life. I am not saying you are to blame for the failure, but there is a part you played to be in that situation after all, it is your life and the decisions that you take or doesn’t take have consequences.

· The situation has happened and there is nothing you can do about it except move on from it, however, overthinking about it can lead to blaming yourself. Sitting down every day or every chance you get to dissect this situation and going through it over and over again only makes you feel worse; it keeps you stuck in one position and prevents you from moving on. You can avoid this by doing the following:

· Practice self-kindness

Amid failure, it is best to be kind to yourself and if you don’t know how to do that then learn. This can be the new project that keeps you busy. Kindness towards self simply means to treat yourself in a good manner during your suffering as you would your friend, lover, child or anyone you love.

You are already going through the most and being your worst enemy by tearing yourself down every chance you get is not going to help you get out of this situation or make you feel better about it; it can lead to those unwarranted mental illnesses. As if you aren’t suffering enough, you might also have to deal with depression, stress, anxiety and related illnesses. Therefore, show yourself kindness in your darkest moments.

· Be compassionate with yourself.

Similar to self-kindness, you should direct compassion towards yourself, and you do this by accepting and acknowledging that you are only human and humans make mistakes; tons of them. Instead of harsh judgement and comparing yourself with people whom you think are thriving or winning, be understanding of your situation.

Self-compassion doesn’t excuse you from taking accountability in the situation, and it doesn’t let you get away with anything bad or allow you to feel sorry for yourself. What it does is allow you to be understanding of your situation.

3. Do still work on your dreams.

Failure is just a setback in your path, not a death sentence or means to force you to give up on your dreams. Anybody can fail it’s part of being human, however, it takes a strong person to rise and refuse to give up after a failure.

Therefore, continue working on your dreams no matter how dark it may seem. Sometimes failure is what we need to find the right path. For example:

· Sometimes we need a push

I hate admitting this, but it is failure that pushed me to follow my dreams and pursue the life that I want. It almost sounds impossible, but it is true. I worked in building and engineering for the best part of my career, I then went on to pursue my degree in civil engineering, however, in my third year of studies I realized I wanted to be a writer and work in digital marketing.

However, I didn’t pursue this dream or even take it seriously until tragedy struck; I lost my scholarship and didn’t know where my tuition money or money to cover my living expenses will come from. I applied for alternative scholarships without success. Only after this demise did I start pursuing writing seriously and guess what? I may have not been able to pay for my tuition, but I earned enough money from freelancing to cover my living expenses.

· Curate the life that you want

You cannot really fall beyond rock bottom if you are already there, and the only way out is to rise. Weirdly, at rock bottom, you could have a clear perspective and a clear perspective about your life.

You may have not been doing what you are passionate about before tragedy strikes, but you have been given a second chance.

You absolutely have nothing to lose but a lot to gain doing what you enjoy and are passionate about, living your life the way you want and many more, so give it a try.

There is a blessing in every bad situation and overcoming failure may be what you need to learn this. While it is not nice to fail, it could push you towards curating the life that you want, help you live out your passion and do the job that you want. It is not easy, but it is doable.