Roses really smell like…?
Okay. I have a confession.
I loved, loved, loved this season of the Bachelorette.
Yep, me. The one who swore that I would never watch that trash. The one who talked so much junk about how fake it was, how it was only for the free trips and delicious food and gorgeous people, and how impossible it was to actually find love in that kind of way. I was that pretentious douche who told anyone and everyone who would listen that this was a waste of TV time, because I had to be right about everything and I was definitely right about this. I didn’t have time for it because I was busy rewatching Friends for the thousandth go-round, which was obviously a better use of my viewing capacities.
Enter Season 13 (is that right? has it really been going on that long?).
It all started with a newsletter from a gorgeous, amazing friend — you should subscribe, by the way. She writes about women and growth and change in the most wonderful ways, and she suggested that she might want to watch the show with someone. For whatever reason, I volunteered. Granted, she lives 800+ miles away and I figured I wouldn’t be held that accountable. I was wrong. We watched every week together, usually a day late to accommodate our mixed schedules.
And, for the record, I was also wrong about the show — I learned more than I expected in a very short about of time.
First of all, I learned that there is absolutely nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and for what you want in a relationship. Rachel Lindsay knew exactly what she was looking for from the very beginning of the show. Every single drop-dead sexy, successful, rich, well-dressed man that she came across did not impress her — she was out for the real thing. She had her defense mechanisms, of course, but for good reason. Every woman that reaches the point where she was in life has been burned, probably multiple times. She had very clearly learned from all of her past heartbreaks, which is something I certainly aspire to do. As someone who has personally looked like a sloppy mess after breakups, I know I couldn’t pick myself up and keep chasing love immediately. Nothing stopped Rachel Lindsay from looking, dressing, and acting like a queen the moment she turned away from the wrong man. Who doesn’t want that?
Second, I learned that smooth talkers will always eventually show you their weaknesses. Or, to put it in more general terms, people always ultimately show you who they are if you stick around long enough to see it. The sweet, apparently kind men who say all of the right things will be exactly the opposite when they don’t get what they want. Just watch every man that Rachel Lindsay sent home once they get into the limo, and listen to what they say as they drive away. They’re not so smooth once they’re placed in a corner. I’ve absolutely seen the same kind of behavior when boys (men?) have to deal with my shortcomings or rejection, but I always justified it and blamed myself. Ladies and gents, hear me now — if someone is a jerk, it’s almost definitely not your fault.
I learned that boys often have more drama than girls, contrary to popular belief, and their turmoil comes with an added bonus — violence. Granted, my recent obsession with boxing gives me a different appreciation for the appeal of throwing punches, but I ultimately don’t see the point. Without words, nothing is actually solved.
Finally, I learned that nothing ever, ever goes as planned. Maybe I was a sucker for the production talents of ABC’s best and brightest, but I was SURE of the winner from about the third episode. I had placed all of my bets on one particular man — he seemed exactly perfect. For the show’s purposes, it seemed like Rachel Lindsay had set her sights on this man as well. To the very last episode, it was clear that she wanted to be with him. But, back to my first point, she also knew exactly what she wanted — she was in the show to find a husband and she was not playing games. When this man told her, on the second to last episode no less, that he would not propose to her if he was offered the final rose, she chose herself and her needs. She, to the shock of me and most other viewers, walked away from the man who could not meet her standards and chose a man who would give her exactly what she knew she deserved. It wasn’t her plan, and it certainly wasn’t mine, but it was the right thing because it meant fulfilling her dreams.
Okay, I’ll admit it. I put way too much stock into a show that, while it may very well be real for the people involved (and I do very much hope the best for the happy couple), is not at all reality.
Still, as a woman in her mid (fine, late) 20’s, it was nice to see all of this unfold in a semi-real way. Rachel Lindsay started the show with a very clear motive, and she stuck to her guns. Through the fakers, the commitment-phobic losers, and the drama queens (yep, dudes can be queens, too), she chased exactly what she knew was hers. She struggled, she cried, and she acted/looked like a boss through all of it. That, my friends, is inspiring.
Most of the reason that I loved this season so much is because I aim to be the same kind of woman that Rachel Lindsay displayed every single episode. I want to crush every heartbreak, shut down every faker who isn’t really into me but is into whatever use he sees for me, and and I don’t want to change who I am not one single time. I want to know, and actually really believe, that any man would be lucky to have me. I aspire to know what I want and deserve, and to settle for absolutely nothing less. And, above all, I certainly want to be brave enough to walk away when a relationship no longer serves me.
I saw so much of my most recent breakup in Rachel Lindsay and (insert name of runner-up)’s end, and her courage and fierce determination showed me that I can do the same and still get exactly what is meant for me. I fought for the wrong thing, just like she did. I talked and talked with a boy who told me who he was, but I didn’t want to believe it. But, instead of leaving him when he told me who he was like Rachel Lindsay did to her wrong Bachelor, I stuck around long enough for the cute boy to break my heart.
I guess what I am ultimately trying to say is two fold:
First, reality is never the same for everyone —it is so important to know who you are and what you want and settle for absolutely nothing less, and
do not ever, ever, EVER forget that love can and will happen, because it’s worth chasing until the very end.
If Rachel Lindsay can find it on a reality TV show, you and I can too, right?
Thanks for the lessons, Bachelorette Season 13.
