Where would I be? What would I do?

I often wonder where I would be today, had I been born with my true gender, or had I transitioned when I started realizing things were not quite right, well before my teenage years.

Would I be in the tech field? Would my family and friends have told me computers were not for me? Would my brother have extended that hand-crafted BNC networking cable all the way to my room? What if my friends were all girls, would I have had the opportunity to dabble with computers much with girlfriends?

During my teenage years, I hung out a lot with Camille, a neighbor. She would invite me over to her house and we’d bake crepes and waffles. She actually contributed to one of the discoveries of my true self which might be the topic of another post. With Camille, we rarely talked computers, video game, etc... When we were not baking stuff, we were hanging out in her room and chatting about random things…
Thinking about it now, 20 years later feels so strange…

The funny thing is that the next day, I could probably be found riding my mountain bike in the dirt along the river banks near my home… Definitely not something ranked high on the list of things girls do.
With age, the range of interests a boy can have has to diminish. A boy can’t play with makeup, be interested in things classified as “girly”. It’s frowned upon. Society never allowed me to explore other avenues. I spent all that time coding instead, and it paid off. But I can’t help but wonder what would have happened had things been different.

If I had been steered to another field by my personal experiences and relationships, would the entrepreneurial spirit be with me regardless? Would I have been a fashion designer? Would I have started a skin care line? Would I be contempt with having a 9–5 job? Where did this thrive to accomplish this project come from? Is it because of my assigned gender? The hormones? My experience? My genes?

I have two brothers, what if one of them had been a girl? Would my life be different with someone much closer to share secrets with and relate to?

So many unanswered questions… One that I’m increasingly sure about is that the project I’m working on today probably wouldn’t exist. I don’t think the mix of interests, society, friends, acquaintances would have driven me where I am today. I get an eerie felling just thinking about it.

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