The Divorce of Bill Simmons & ESPN

In May of 2015, the marriage between Bill Simmons and ESPN ended in an ugly and abrupt divorce. “The Mothership” kept the house and the money and Simmons went back to the life of sports-personality bachelorhood. It was a sad day for Bill Simmons fans like me. Or was it?

Opposites Attracted

It was right around the early 2000’s that ESPN really started hitting it stride. It had created the secret sports sauce that was winning awards and finding its way into American hearts and homes. People like me were using SportsCenter as a morning alarm clock and a lullaby. Yes, in high school and college it was not uncommon for me to watch three straight “editions” of SportsCenter…IN A ROW. (Who am I kidding — I still find myself in a SportsCenter Vortex from time to time.) ESPN was clever yet careful, formulaic but fun, and almost above all else — it was family friendly. Its focus was, and is, to focus on highlight reels, underdog stories, and things like athletes holding trophies.

Then there was Bill Simmons: a brazen creative and an unapologetic Boston sports fanatic. Simmons was an envelope pusher and a prolific writer. Who knows how much of Simmons’ zeal ESPN embraced and how much it hoped to contain, but suffice it to say — if ESPN was the rich and beautiful high school valedictorian then Bill Simmons was the edgy kid that ESPN’s dad warned her about. But ESPN couldn’t stay away and in 2001 The Sports Guy joined The Worldwide Leader in Sports.

A Contagious Relate-ability

Truth be told, I am unquestionably biased when it comes to Bill Simmons. I am a dyed-in-the-wool Boston sports fan and he is the absolute epitome of Boston sports fandom. So I’m sure it won’t surprise you that when I started listening to Simmons’ podcast “The B.S. Report” back in 2011, I was immediately smitten. His entire approach to sports is a total zag. He speculates about bizarre trade scenarios, analyzes gambling angles, relates sports to pop culture, and does so in a remarkably casual way. Turns out I wasn’t the only one digging what Simmons was dishing out. In the next five years, Bill Simmons started to explode onto the scene.

Simmons Takes Over Planet ESPN

If Simmons was a sprout in ESPN’s garden in 2001, then by 2015 he was nothing short of an oak tree. Remarkably, he had found a way to incorporate virtually every aspect of his personal taste into his world at ESPN. He had brought his cool demeanor to NBA Countdown, and had brought along his Detroit counterpart Jalen Rose. In his podcasts and ESPN appearances he had started to incorporate references to and conversations about movies, TV series, hip-hop music, gambling lines, and pop culture. It seemed that nothing was off limits. So much of what Bill Simmons was creating was not exactly my taste, but somehow it still stuck. I can’t count how many times I’ve listened to Simmons and Cousin Sal guess gambling lines — and yet I have never gambled on sports and still don’t fully understand money lines, parlays or teasers.

Grantland

Grantland.com was an ESPN entity that was Simmons’ baby. It was a team of writers and creatives that talked and wrote about sports in a very bold and Bill Simmons-esque way. That is to say — not entirely about sports at all. It was bold, and quirky, reckless, fun, outspoken, strange, and everything in-between. Grantland was different, and it started to push the envelope on what ESPN was willing to attach their name to. Authors wrote about everything from sports analysis and athlete rumors to ranking rap artists or predicting Oscar awards. There were even times when authors wrote about mature HBO series or referenced pornography. To say that ESPN ( A Disney company) owned Grantland started to feel weird. Like saying Nabisco owns Camel Cigarettes. The juxtaposition feels almost…wrong. Bill Simmons had carved out a niche in sports culture that is nigh unto pioneering, and it didn’t quite rub ESPN right.

A Lion at the Zoo

The beauty of the ESPN relationship with Bill Simmons was that it created a sort of checks and balances. Creatives don’t like to be given rules — but it is those rules that often channel their creativity. Simmons was a wild stallion and ESPN was the bridle. And yet, maybe he was never meant to be broken. Maybe Simmons looked around the ESPN stables and saw too many quieted ponies wearing blinders. Maybe his ideas were too big and too broad for a network that is trying not to ruffle any feathers.

And maybe the opposite was true as well. Maybe ESPN had been bitten by their Boston Terrier too many times. Maybe he was bringing too many strays into the mansion, or maybe they didn’t like the way he barked.

Either way, it probably wasn’t Simmons’ uncouth comment about Roger Goodell that broke the camel’s back. ESPN was probably just too exhausted to keep Simmons in check. The ESPN/Simmons marriage had been on the rocks for quite some time now. Simmons was always staying out late gambling with his friends. ESPN was feeling insecure, reading his texts (figuratively speaking) and asking a lot of superfluous questions. Like any hurting marriage — trust had been lost.

Bill Simmons always was something of a lion in a zoo. I suppose that at some point the lion has to subordinate or the zoo has to give up taming a wild animal. I admit, I don’t think that Lions should be kept in cages, but the domestication of a zoo gives a lion a rare opportunity for exposure and admiration. ESPN was a safe place for me to enjoy Bill Simmons, but I always knew there was a wild side of him that Mickey Mouse was keeping in check (The Book of Basketball was my first clue). I hate to see a lion in a cage, but I’m not prone to approach a lion in the wild. It’s a tough situation.

Coping

Divorce tends to end in a lose-lose scenario. Sure, ESPN took the house and Simmons got his freedom: but where does that leave us kids? Where do we call home and who can we trust?

Simmons is with a woman who is a little too young and wild for him — HBO.

ESPN committed to a sad rebound relationship with Scott Van Pelt, the epitome of human milk toast. Even more sadly, it’s trying to fill the gambling void with Cynthia Frelund and Cousin Sal (the poor guy is enduring shared custody).

I feel torn now. ESPN still sings me to sleep, but I miss the liveliness Bill Simmons brought to the home. He was the fun one. He is still Bill Simmons, but now when I visit him I have to remember he isn’t the same guy I used to know. He is a kite without a string now — doing and saying whatever he feels like. I kind of feel like Dad let me down, even though I still love and admire him. Maybe it’s time for me to grow up, but I miss the days when mom and dad were getting along — even if it meant they were only staying together for the kids.