3 Things

There are 3 things I know to be true.
At least for me but maybe not for you. They are as concrete as the ground under my feet but that doesn't mean they apply to you.

The first thing is that my mind isn't what it used to be. You see it is starting to play tricks on me. I can’t sleep without it bothering me, depressing me, reminding me of things I would rather not see. I am plagued by my past and it blurs my future, making it harder to believe that I am worthy. And that is just when my head hits the bed and I close my eyes, waiting for the sun to rise and wake up from the tricks and lies. But daylight doesn’t bring relief only more grief and pain in my brain it haunts me.

The second thing I know is that I am losing control of my thoughts and my feels and I breathe as I try to reconnect to reality because that is life with anxiety. It's an attack on my senses, my mind, my connections to who I am and the world around me.

The third thing is that it is all inside me. The panic, the flashbacks, and the world cannot see or believe that something is wrong with me because I do not bleed and scream, but smile and wave like everything is okay, like it's just another day.

I wrote this poem late last night during a depressive episode where I couldn’t sleep and was thinking in rhyme.