How To Let Go of Failure
There are times in life where situations don’t work out the way you intended, or you made a decision somewhere in the script that wasn’t the way you meant to go but was rather an inkling you thought you might follow. Sometimes that deferred path takes us into a new landscape that resonates higher with our life purpose. What do you do in that space when you find yourself at a crossroads knowing you need to move on but don’t know how to close it down, pack it up, and move into your new direction?
1. Know that it takes time
For us humans to know something is wrong, we seem to need a lot of proof. It can be difficult to see how something isn’t working to our advantage when we sit so deep in our stagnant soup. It takes time to find out if a different path is truly right for us, so it is a very valuable thing to honor that process. If you’re like me then it’s hard for you as an entrepreneur to walk away from something you were so sure was going to deliver. You talked about it to all your friends, you even made social media pages for its existence only for it to reveal itself as wind passing through your landscape. This is a valuable aspect of entrepreneurialism called, excitement. Without it, we would have no gusto to take initiative at anything. Without excitement, nothing great would ever have been possible. So while it’s hard to be so visible in your process know that it takes some super guts to show up the way you do. Embrace your excitement, it is what throughout time and history has proven to be the greatest catalyst for change and innovation. It’s the opposite of excitement that you have to worry about using to your advantage.
2. Avoid shaming yourself
The worse thing you could do is give yourself a hard time and beat yourself up about something that didn’t work out. It could be your newest venture, your relationship, that dog you never intended to adopt the day you were doing your shopping (why do they have to have those doggy meet and greets right when you walk in?). You can very easily find yourself swept up in a whirlwind of things you never would have intended for yourself had you been more clear about what your goals were and how to get there. This is all a part of learning and the process, while grueling, will prepare you with some mad skills to quickly discern the responsibility of a decision. Without this process, you would stay in said “stagnant soup” because it was actually comfortable. Thankfully, entrepreneurship is never comfortable and in order to thrive in the great river of grasping for the next thing, we need to stay uncomfortable. So call it shame, guilt, embarrassment, or growing pains, without these stiff emotions we wouldn’t know when to quit or how to adjust to the playing field.
3. Make discomfort work for you
Just like it can feel completely awful while you’re working out, you know that pain is a building block to your eventual goal. Without that pain, there would be no progress. Without the continuity and persistence of that pain, there would be no justification for the drudgery. There will be a moment one beautiful sunny day when you realize, I am here. I did it. And that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was. Or maybe it is bad, maybe it’s like really bad where you can’t even go outside and talk to anyone because you are that uncomfortable with your failures. Wherever you are, know that you have to start from somewhere.
When we’re faced with failure one of the most important horizons to look to is our own talents and abilities. What has our history shown us is true about ourselves? I seem to always resolve to writing whenever I’ve experienced a deep setback. Let your discomfort help push you into the next phase of life. Lean into the toughest part of your process, go there, write about it, ask someone that cares about you to listen in a safe non-judgmental space. Often times the reason we are uncomfortable with failure is that it points to very painful places that are asking for growth and evolution. Revealing things about ourselves we would really prefer others not to see. Stay in gratitude for your process, get comfortable with the parts, realize the discomfort is merely shifting your growth into a place that is adapted to the evolved version of yourself that is emerging.
4. Let it go
But really let it go. How do we know we are in the process of letting go? How do we know that we’re still hanging on? Visualization is a great tool for gleaning where we are in our process.
Find a comfortable chair in a quiet space where you can lean in for five minutes. Have your feet on the floor with your palms up, a sign that you are open to receiving. What you’re looking for here is how much resistance is in your physical body. Take notes of where you feel the tension rise as you begin to imagine yourself living a life you dream of.
Start by imagining yourself standing outside of a big house at the end of a dirt road. There’s nothing out there besides you, the house, and the road. Begin loading the house with the contents that make up your perceived failure(s). This could be a dream about your success that you never achieved or found that you didn’t want to after some time, it could also be objects or people that represent what you felt went wrong. Go deep. After you’ve finished loading that house with all your “stuff” recognize that the contents no longer work for you and that you’re ready for an updated version that does. Express your gratitude for the opportunity to grow and look forward to the lessons that are in store for you in your new phase of life. Begin to walk away down the dirt path that seemingly leads to nowhere.
Is there resistance in your body walking away? Where do you feel it? Is there panic or peace? Can you literally not even imagine yourself walking away from it?
If you’re able to, continue walking down that path and find yourself at the next house, this is your new house, start loading it with everything you actually want for yourself. This may not even be material, your house may no longer have walls, the point is to fill the space now with the intention of happiness and peace for yourself. Be open to the prospect of it looking as unique as you were born to be.
If this meditation is difficult for you, take a break. See it as a signpost of where you are in your letting go process. Repeat this visualization daily until you‘re able to see yourself successfully walk away from your feelings around failure and down the empty road that leads to your renewal. Try to stay within 5–10 minutes so you don’t exhaust yourself. Recalling failures and mishaps can have a detrimental effect on our stress levels. Try to end the meditation on a positive note no matter how far you’ve gotten. Imagine yourself eating ice cream or playing with kittens. Whatever it takes.
Seek out a therapist. This can be one of the most valuable tools in your journey to let go and move beyond what doesn’t work any longer.
5. Look forward
Is it possible to look forward even when we’re still knee-deep in the trenches knowing that we’re in a battle not worth fighting? Most definitely. It’s in this space that we are able to have such a deep contrast because of our pain that we can much easier define what is worth fighting for. Expand your possibilities by looking to others that have accomplishments that resonate with you and fires you up. Read their stories, dig into their process. Remember that they were also at the precipice of their achievements by moving forward from the place where you are now. Failure is a fantastic catalyst for dreaming bigger than ever before. It was only through a vision, a feeling, an emotion that they could also pull themselves up. The dreams you have in this space are quite valuable. Pay close attention. Make it a priority to discover three people that possess qualities or styles you want to emulate. Make it your mission to study them and see your similarities.
6. Try new things
It is often through trying new things that we are able to discover nuances about ourselves that we can admire. Ever play frisbee? Have you had your hand at origami? Have no idea what to do with radicchio? Make it lighthearted until you become brave enough to try things that truly frighten you. Do something new every day. Make it your practice. The reason you’re most likely stuck in your past failures is that you didn’t know enough about yourself. Endeavor to expand your library of knowledge on the topic of you, observing your reaction or resistance to trying things you have never done before.
7. Smile
Do everything new with a smile. Probably the most difficult to do on this list when you’re facing difficulties that are threatening your very sanity and existence. But if anything is worth doing, it’s worth doing with a smile and even just a short quick one can have the power to change our attitude about the perceived doom. It’s also infectious and lets people know that while you may be struggling, you are okay. Believe it or not, you smiling through hardships helps others smile and find the light in their struggles as well. So although it may be like twisting your arm to smile, do it anyway, because you care about yourself that much and it makes you an admirable human.
So you see, while our desires are sometimes met with humiliation, failure can have the power to bring us to new heights we weren’t able to see without being knocked down first. It is Rumi who once wrote, “Failure is the key to the kingdom within.”
You just need to decide now how badly you want in.
