Are humans fundamentally good or bad? And how do you write a comedy show about that?
Have you ever read the Wikipedia article for “human”? It’s an eerie experience as it’s rather clinical (as you might expect from an encyclopaedia) and written in the third person which gives the impression that the writer is, well, not human. It was this that prompted me to write a show about that third person- and their desperate attempts to understand humanity.
EARTHLING, my new show which opened at VAULT Festival this week, uses the Voyager space probes as its starting point. Voyagers 1 and 2 blasted off from Earth forty years ago to explore the outer solar system. Voyager 1 is now in interstellar space; the furthest human-made object from Earth. Aboard both spacecraft is a golden phonograph record containing sounds an images from Earth. Spearheaded by Carl Sagan, these golden records contain images of our biology and culture- and musical extracts from tribal chants to Chuck Berry.
What would other intelligent life make of the images and sounds on that golden record? What would they make of humanity’s propensity for war? Our Wikipedia page has a “war” section. That’s how much we love war. What would they think of religion? The speaker in my show decides that religion is a “peculiar immersive theatre piece” and that beetles are far more logical than humans.
As part of my research for the show, I asked people from all walks of life what images and music they would place on the Voyager Golden Record if the spacecraft were lifting off today- and, crucially, what message they would include for whoever intercepts Voyager. Here is a small selection of the responses.
- hello! please don’t kill us
- Treat us as you would like to be treated.
- Earth is f**ked, come save us
- I hope you do better than us. Sorry that we messed up.
- A person is smart; people are dumb
- Don’t shoot.
- Help
- We would like to be peaceful.
- Bring your own booz, you’ll need it.
- Please don’t kill us.
- Have you met Jesus?
- Don’t kill us please.
- Most earthlings are friendly and compassionate and would welcome intelligent life if peaceful
- If you come to Earth, we will be scared of you and fear makes us do silly things. Know that most of us do not want to hurt you. We are capable of so many good things. Like love.
- We advanced technologically very quickly, but chose to use this technology for selfish ends rather than benefit the planet as a whole.
- If you’ve been watching us, I know we seem cruel but I promise we’re trying to be better.
- Come say hi and learn from our mistakes
- Follow Cher on twitter, it’s worth it.
At the end of the show, the speaker has to decide whether humanity is fundamentally good or bad- and whether we’re worthy of contact from other sentient life. I found this part really tricky to write as I kept flip flopping back and forth; are we good or bad? My last show, Everything That’s Wrong with the Universe, basically wrote off humanity as a lost cause. I think EARTHLING is a little more hopeful. In these tumultuous times it’s easy to see all the darkest and most gruesome sides of human nature as they are writ large in the news every day. I think with this show I’ve tried to dig into our kinder, warmer side. Don’t worry, I still put the boot in to alternative medicine. It wouldn’t be a Gemma Arrowsmith show without a bit of that.
So what do you think? Is humanity fundamentally good or bad? To find out what I decided in the end, you’ll have to see the show- but in the meantime, I’d love to hear what images and sounds YOU think should be on those records. And what message would you include? Fill in the survey here: bit.ly/EarthlingSurvey
Gemma Arrowsmith: EARTHLING is at VAULT Festival 22–26 February 9.30pm. Tickets & info: bit.ly/EarthlingVAULT
