How to stop someone from talking in circles
Have you recently been in a situation when you felt like you were stuck in a conversation that was going round and round and round and going nowhere? Maybe in a meeting? Maybe at a dinner party.
Before talking about what to do in this situation, it may be helpful to reflect on your natural approach. Do you tune out? Do you excuse yourself? Do you try to change the subject? Do you build a case in your head about the person talking?
I am a BIG fan of forward progress. I LOVE when I can learn or laugh from a conversation. In meetings, I am obsessed with efficiency. I consider time a precious resource and in when there is a group of people investing time in an event I want to do my part to make it a smart choice. The way I think of meetings: what can we accomplish here that we could not accomplish with any other configuration of people.
All too often I am reminded that my approach to meetings (driving towards a magical finish line at which everyone is more aware, aligned and equipped to execute) is not a standard that everyone holds. I have been in meetings where not only one person speaks in circles, but many. It usually starts with someone giving two too many examples and then someone else jumps in with a different point/perspective all together and wanting to make a point very clear. It actually is possible for a group of people to get together and completely talk over one another, each leaving the room having understood very little of what the others were trying to say.
It is shocking to me that while I equate this experience to Chinese water torture, there are many (even high functioning) people that simply have gotten used to this type of collaboration and think that is ‘how things go’.
I am here to tell you that all collaborations and conversations can be generative.
The number ONE skill that is effective when someone is speaking in circles is active listening. “What I hear you saying is…”
By using reflections, paraphrasing (sometimes pulling the meaning from underneath or between the words being used) the speaker has an opportunity to clarify or accept what is being shared. So often being a broken record is the result of not properly feeling acknowledged, heard or understood. Taking the time to listen and reflect what I have heard has created incredible results.
Try it sometime. And let me know how it goes for you.