Disappearing From View In Plain Sight
After a great visit from the Australian Jesuit Schools’ students immersion in East Timor group, I feel like I’m in a vacuum of sorts. A lot seems to have been taken out from me, and things have to settle down a bit before I’d try to get back to the normal burn and grind.
Yet, I’m feeling good despite the tiredness and all out of sorts feeling. Having the kids around, sharing their thoughts, helps me to process the feelings and sentiments which I face daily, such that it allowed me to own up to the reality that I’m faced with here.
One of the big icebergs that put a dent into my life was the whole process of being Shanghied into coming to Timor Leste, minus the hard liquor. In fact, I’m not even sure if the Holy Spirit was involved. But since God works through reality, and not outside of it, no matter what the circumstances, I will survive. That I’m sure. But normally that’s a perspective from hindsight. Which doesn’t help with being in the present at times.
But I’m learning to be not too fussed. At some point, all things come to an end. There’s nothing to say or do that can change certain things. Which means that I’ve to learn to accept the way things are. And live with it, making the best of it. And perhaps, even disappear from view.
Putting myself out of the picture could be the best thing to do. Instead of “me” or “I,” I could frame my situation like this: two beloved creations of God finding themselves in a difficult moment together. I happen to be one of those creations. Anyone (or even anything) can be the other party (think traffic jam, inclement weather, etc.). Then mull, linger in silence on that scene — and perhaps even try thinking what would God do in facing that situation…
Sometimes it’s good to get a little distance away even from ourselves, which seems counterintuitive to the call to be always present. But we’re not leaving the scene — we’re trying to be present to it, but from another perspective, one that is close and personal even though we imagine seeing ourselves in it from without. It’s worth a try — better than doing the same old thing and expecting new results :D
