Wanted: Overqualified Intern
We are looking for a highly educated individual with a high tolerance for bullshit. The position will be underpaid, and its term is indefinite.
Your Typical Day
- Basically, you’ll be performing the same work as our employees, plus everything they don’t feel like doing
- You just won’t get any benefits
- Act chipper in all circumstances, even when you’re working until 10 p.m.
- Perform well, and you’ll convince us to fire our paid workforce!
Qualifications
- Bachelor’s degree (master’s or other advanced degree preferred)
- Previous internship experience (preferably 3 years or more, preferably unpaid)
- Proven ability to recover from unkept promises
- Self-starter. We don’t have time to mentor you
- Energetic, “yes-man” attitude — you’re not the kind of person to turn down after-hours work!
- [Take one for the] team player
- Aw, hell, why not: at least 5 years social media experience (this sounds legitimate, so we thought we’d throw it in here)
Why Company _______
No one’s really heard of us, but all the work we’ll have you doing is going to look GREAT on your resume. Some of our perks:
- Networking opportunities with industry big shots (starting soon!)
- Mythical opportunities for full-time work once you prove your worth
- Health benefits
- Just kidding!
- Free, unlimited soda. We need to make this list look longer, and soda is cheap (not to mention obesity-inducing)
The position is full-time and pays just above minimum wage (that’s, like, one step up from your last retail job!). Preference will be given to applicants with parentally-sourced supplemental income.
Company _______ is an Equal Opportunity Employer. No applicant will be discriminated against based on race, color, sex, religion, disability, age, protected genetic information, sexual orientation or parental status — though previous paid employment experience can and will be used against you.
