Black Out: When You Feel Like Giving Up

M. O. Bamidele
Sep 4, 2018 · 4 min read

The last time my Dad spoon fed and bathed me — no, I wasn’t a toddler — I was in my late teen age!

I was sick and bedridden. My teenage years were characterized by bouts of sickness. But, that particular one was the worst. It was my near death experience.

To a limited extent, I know how it feels like when dying. It’s somewhat similar to slipping into an abysmal darkness, just before you’re attacked by a flurry of dreams. You know all you need to do is open your eyes and get up, you want to, except that you’re blind and paralyzed. I heard my dad scream my name in fear. Apparently, I had lost consciousness for over 30 seconds. Black out.

Whenever, I slip into depression. I see it as a black out.

We all experience some form of black out, at different points in our lives. That point in your life when you’re no longer in control. When you feel powerless. It’s that moment when you feel things aren’t going the way you planned. When you feel exhausted or overwhelmed. And it’s as if everything you do, don’t seem to work.

A career path gone wrong. A dying relationship. You never seem to find the right guy or woman. Or everything is just crashing. A black out.

Last month, an old friend buzzed me out of the blue. These were his words:

“I just really need to speak to someone…. I have been feeling suicidal of late. My world is just collapsing in front of me.”

I didn’t reply immediately. How do you convince someone that is drowning to stay calm? Especially, when you don’t know how to swim either. And the worst thing to tell someone who feels helpless is, “I know how it feels.” Of course, you do. But we all interpret and respond differently to things.

It’s hard to make meaning of life when you feel helpless and things are not going the way you thought they should. First, you don’t seem to get it. Then you begin to doubt yourself. It’s even worse when your colleagues or friends seem to have it all figured out. But you don’t. Why bother? “What’s even the essence of all this?” You ask yourself.

I stumbled upon this on my Twitter timeline:

You’re tired. And even more tired of fighting.

  • Relax. Don’t be too hard on your self:

Often times, we find ourselves in a difficult place because we want to live up to an expectation set before us by society, friends, parents or even ourselves. Each time we fall short of that expectation, we crawl in our shell and mentally beat our self. Relax. I almost said, “Relax, life is not that hard.” It is. But remember that the first thing to do when drowning is to stay calm.

  • Reflect. And Reassess:

Reflect. Not worry. How did you get to this point? You know how detectives recreate a crime scene, yeah? Re-trace your step. Where did you slip? The essence of this, is to find yourself.

Remember those expectations, standards or goals you weigh yourself with? Maybe it’s time to reassess them. What/which is realistic or achievable? What is important?

  • Seek help:

It’s easy to soak in your tears, crawl into your shell and assume the world has abandoned you. Don’t beat yourself up. Get help.

Maybe it’s a career push you need. Peace in your home? Marriage stability? You’ve got to see someone who’s been through it, to help you walk through it.

  • Re-channel the energy:

I’ve written some of my favorite and most challenging piece at my lowest moment. How? I re-channeled that hurt or pain to something creative.

Try something new.

  • Actively pursue happiness:

Happiness and comfort are not the same things.

Don’t get me wrong. We all want to live comfortably. Have the best things money can buy and it’s perfectly okay. I for one keep seeing my 2018 Wrangler and 2019 Ford Mustang in my dream every night 😀

But I’m talking about the basic things of life that makes us happy. That feeling of being loved or appreciated. That hang out with friends.

Go out. Meet new people. Read new books. And maybe, you’ll see things from a different perspective.


While we are all trying to make meaning of life and find purpose — it’s perfectly okay to fail or fall. But, remember when you do fall, like Denzel Washington put it: “Fall forward”.

M. O. Bamidele

Written by

Committed to creating "unignorable" content. || Content Producer Guardian Nigeria

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