The Path to Me: How to Lose Yourself to Find Yourself Through Ayahuasca’s Wisdom

Lee M.
22 min readAug 23, 2023

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An AI-generated depiction of my transcendent experience during the ayahuasca ceremony in the Mexico jungle.

My conscious awakening began in 2015 in Sedona, AZ, gained depth in 2017 during a men’s work intensive retreat in West Virginia, and by 2019, I was ready to rip back the curtain.

Following the end of a challenging long-term relationship, deeper truths about myself and the world began to call to me. Driven by that call, I unexpectedly found myself in Mexico’s Riviera Maya, where the calling began resonating even more with my surroundings. It wasn’t long before I ventured deeper, finding myself nestled in the jungle, where a hidden compound awaited our small, intimate group, all drawn by a similar call, setting the stage for a unique ayahuasca ceremony.

The Shaman who welcomed us was not what I had imagined; her youthful energy brought a refreshing modernity, while her maternal and relatable nature radiated reassurance.

The evening began with a mystical prelude in the gentle ambience of a zen garden. Under the Shaman’s guidance, we engaged in a Tarot reading using native cards. I drew the same card in succession: “No.33, Keeper of the Light.” Her curiosity piqued, the Shaman paused to communicate its significance, her eyes alight with an understanding that hinted at an omen for the journey ahead.

Ayahuasca, known as the 'vine of the dead,' is a revered brew made from the Banisteriopsis caapi vine and Chacruna plant leaves. The vine contains monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) that enable proper digestion of the dimethyltryptamine (DMT) in the Chacruna leaves. This sacred blend creates a potent brew, used in Amazonian shamanic rituals, unlocking profound spiritual insights and connecting individuals with higher realms of consciousness.

As I prepared for the ceremony, a clear intention crystallized within me: “Show me what I need to know and do.” I voiced it internally, a gentle plea to the unknown, feeling the Shaman’s warm and approachable presence guiding us to center our minds and focus on our individual paths.

Her maternal demeanor created an atmosphere of trust as we settled into the ceremony. With a soft look of empathy, she handed us the ayahuasca brew, telling us, Look at the door you’ve walked through. The world you’ve left behind will be different when you walk back out of it.” Her words resonated as we drank in the carefully tended garden, feeling the first stirrings of transformation.

Following this initiation, our guide led us to a more untamed part of the compound. This transition, from the garden’s manicured beauty to the raw, jungled surroundings, marked a deeper phase in our journey.

The Shaman who welcomed us defied all my expectations. Dressed in a white flowing gown, her maternal energy and youthful appearance portrayed an image more reminiscent of a modern-day goddess than the traditional perception of a Shaman.

The first stage of my ayahuasca journey began with an unassuming warmth, a sense of connection, and laughter. The Shaman, discerning that I wasn’t fully engaged, offered a second dose, and I accepted.

Upon taking the second dose, the reaction was swift and profound. What ensued was a purge, a ritual cleansing in ayahuasca ceremonies where physical or emotional toxins are expelled. It’s considered a critical part of the process, symbolizing the letting go of emotional and spiritual burdens, clearing the way for renewal and transformation. In my case, this manifested in violent vomiting and marked the beginning of a submission. As I navigated the intensity, I humbly acknowledged to Mother Ayahuasca, ‘You are the boss.’ It was more than a statement; it was a recognition, a surrender, an acceptance of a profound connection that was guiding me into uncharted territories. This was an initiation of some kind and the first sign of the immense higher power that I would grapple with throughout the night.

My vision soon began to dance with subtle geometric shapes, mysterious fractals and patterns that hinted at something more. There, amidst the visuals, appeared a fuzzy grey cube of static, a shape I’ve seen when closing my eyes for as long as I can remember. But this time, it felt different. The cube moved with a purpose, emanating a gentle feminine energy, and I found myself referring to it as “she.”

The enigmatic grey cube, filled with fuzzy static, a vision that has haunted my closed eyes since childhood.

The Shaman, sensing the energies in the room, asked if anyone wished to share their experiences. My voice trembled as I told the group, “Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always seen this shape when I close my eyes, and I think I’m about to meet ‘her’.” And just as the words escaped my lips, ‘she’ (Mother Ayahuasca) seized control. It was a moment that transcended words, a connection both terrifying and beautiful. The cube sparked in to life, pulsating with vivid colors and light. It wasn’t just a shape anymore; it was something more, alive and vibrant. The transformation caught me off guard, and I felt a mix of awe and uncertainty. Was I ready for what was unfolding? I sensed something profound was at hand, yet it wasn’t alarming. It was as though an important truth was revealing itself.

The once static grey cube, pulsing to life with indescribable lights, colors, and geometric shapes before it rapidly melted away.

The journey shifted dramatically, and the gentle geometric shapes and mesmerizing patterns, often described in plant medicine trips, took on an intense momentum, accelerating at a lightning-fast and alarming pace. These beautiful visuals began to melt away at a concerning speed, replaced by a terrifying spiral descending into a void of nothingness. It was as if I had quickly transcended the typical visuals, tapping into a deeper, darker, more terrifying yet meaningful layer of consciousness.

Visions overwhelmed me, both vivid and heart-wrenching. In them, I saw myself losing grasp of my ex-partner, who was in a great deal of turmoil, grappling with sudden traumatic life events and our recent separation. In that moment, I felt the symbolic loss of an anchor, a grounding in my life that she had provided. Her pain, loneliness, and heartache consumed me, and the urge to be with her was nearly irresistible. But then, something shifted. The concern for her began to fade, almost melting away into irrelevance. She became a fleeting thought, a passing shadow. My journey was deepening, drawing me further inward, and I realized that was just the beginning. Her presence became almost concerningly insignificant, and it became clear that the pressing matter I needed to address was not her but myself. I was the one calling for attention, healing, and growth. The spiral intensified, leading to an overwhelming download of EVERYTHING. I felt as if I was everywhere all at once, conscious and alive in every plane, dimension, universe, and the whole cosmos itself.

A wave of desperation washed over me, a yearning for grounding in the midst of chaos. I found myself physically pulling at my hair, a manifestation of the inner turmoil, crying out to the shaman, “I didn’t want this” and “I want to go back. It is too much.”

The shaman’s response was not what I expected. She didn’t rush to rescue me but instead offered a compassionate yet firm presence. “I understand,” she said, her voice both scary and reassuring, “especially when you don’t know when it will end, huh?” Her words struck a chord, a realization that I was ultimately on this journey alone, but with her support by my side. She wouldn’t save me, nor could she. Perhaps she knew that learning to navigate this path on my own was key, that reliance on others would only hinder my growth.

I found myself chanting, almost like a mantra, “Ignorance is bliss, ignorance is bliss.” In the intensity of that moment, it was a desperate plea, a struggle between an overwhelming awareness and the painful difficulty of processing what was happening to me. Though I had embarked on this journey seeking insight, I was engulfed by a storm of emotions and sensations that made comprehension elusive. The rawness of feeling everything was too much to bear, and I yearned to return to a more comfortable, yet shallower understanding. The knowingness that had once seemed appealing was now terrifying and ungraspable.

During this chaotic spiraling, another fear gripped me out of nowhere: a sudden and profound concern for my younger brother, Jake. I saw him in my mind’s eye, imagining him embarking on this same ayahuasca journey. “Don’t do it Jake. Don’t do it, Jakutz,” I found myself chanting, the words bubbling up from a place of deep love and anxiety.

The terror was raw, rooted in the knowledge of our shared character traits and tendencies. I knew that he might be drawn to this experience just as I had been, and that realization filled me with a desperate need to shield him. I wanted to protect him from the overwhelming sensations, the pain, the confusion that I was grappling with at that moment.

Caught between fear and awe, my mind struggled and then surrendered during this intense stage of the Ayahuasca ceremony.

Even in the midst of my own turmoil, my thoughts flashed back to the Oracle card I drew, No.33, “Keeper of the Light.” Was there a connection between that card and my intense wish to keep my brother safe? The question lingered, adding a complex layer to the emotions surging within me. Simultaneously, gratitude filled me, and I found myself thanking my other brother, Luke repeatedly: “Thank you Luke, Thank you brother, thank you Luke. He knows, he f**king knows, he knows.”

As my journey deepened, the geometric fractal shapes and pulses that had once offered me a semblance of understanding began to melt away into nothingness. This transition frightened me, as those shapes despite their mysterious, intense nature had provided comfort, a signal that I was experiencing something tangible, something I could grasp. Their disappearance left me adrift, unanchored.

The spiral continued to draw me in, even further from the shores of reality. Voices emerged, particularly that of a French girl, I’d recently had a conversation with, who had warned me about ayahuasca and how it turned her friends into “vegetables.” Those words, dismissed at the time, now resounded like a haunting echo, a clear warning sign I had ignored.

Fear gripped me tightly, a visceral terror that I was on the brink of losing control, of succumbing to a psychotic break from which I might never return. I felt I was going to die. Not just a death with any kind of afterlife or existence in any other form, but a real, futile end into nothingness. This was dying. The sensation was all-consuming, an abyss opening beneath me.

Instinctively, my body moved into the fetal position and then shifted into what I knew as my worship pose. This wasn’t a new sensation for me. During a previous vision in a sweat lodge, I had assumed this very posture when faced with an immense, powerful white light. It was a force that I understood could overwhelm me, dissolve my very being, but instead of fleeing from its power, I had surrendered. I bowed before its magnificence, embracing its energy, allowing it to envelop me in a way that was knowing and accepting. This wasn’t a defeat; it was a union, a communion with something far greater than myself. It was a moment of profound surrender and trust, where fear gave way to awe and a deep, spiritual connection.

Now, as I found myself in that same pose in the jungle, I was still pulling my hair, fingers digging into the earth, desperately searching for grounding, for something to anchor me in the storm of emotion and sensation that raged within. I was a ship in a tempest, with no land in sight.

A harrowing descent into the void of nothingness: an image capturing the moment where all I knew and loved began to melt away. Desperately reaching, yet unable to grasp their existence, the memory of friends, family, and self slipped through my fingers, leaving me in an unsettling emptiness.

As the journey continued to intensify, I found myself spiraling deeper and deeper into an experience that defied all description. I felt as if I were being pulled backward through time itself, witnessing what could only be compared to the moments just after the big bang, but in reverse. It was as though the very threads of the universe were unraveling, beckoning me toward the abyss, a place before existence, before time. The sensation was magnetic, an unrelenting force drawing me toward the unknowable.

I was shown visions, repetitive and resonant, like echoes of creation’s very first heartbeat. Within those visions, I fixated on a singular particle of light. This lone particle seemed to contain the essence of all existence, the inaugural spark of life in the universe. In that moment I referred to this lone particle as “The God particle.” It reminded me of turning off an old television screen and the way the electricity spreads across the screen before condensing into a single pixel point, then disappearing into nothingness. That final point of light, that fleeting moment before vanishing, held within it a truth that transcended my comprehension.

This AI generated image this image symbolizes my vision of a singular particle of light, reminiscent of an old television screen's final point before vanishing.

Now in the darkest, scariest part of my ayahuasca journey, I found myself facing another indescribable threshold. Mother Ayahuasca seemed to be guiding me towards that other side, a place before everything existed, when there was simply nothing. The edge of comprehension. This wasn’t emptiness or a void as we might understand it; it was a complete absence of existence, where nothing could be defined or even imagined.

Despite what I’d heard about the importance and power of surrendering during plant medicine ceremonies, this nothingness defied understanding, and I found myself fighting against its pull. Surrendering to this unfathomable nothingness didn’t feel right, as if full surrender would mean I wouldn’t return.

As I continued to spiral into this void, losing all sense of everything and everyone I had ever known and loved, I even started losing a sense of my own existence. The familiar constructs of reality melted away, and I was left in a place where the very notion of existence was gone.

In the midst of this terrifying emptiness, one presence remained: my brother Luke. He was there, the only one there with me, a beacon of love, respect, and gratitude in a place where all else had vanished. I felt a profound connection with him, recognizing our places in the cosmos and accepting that he was an evolved soul there for me in my darkest moment.

With this insight, I began to surrender to “her” and accept what I believed would be death, or worse, a return to the time before there was anything, into that empty void. She’d nudged me closer to the true loneliness of nothingness, pushing me as far as she knew I could go. Then, with a respect and understanding that felt almost maternal, she allowed me to start coming back to reality.

In the midst of my ongoing state of despair, fleeting moments of relief washed over me. It was during these brief instants that I felt an overwhelming sense of pride and respect for her, whether Mother Ayahuasca or the divine essence of creation itself. I marveled at the beautiful universe and cosmos she had crafted from absolute loneliness, emptiness, and the void of nothingness. The sheer strength and power required to ignite energy from absolute nothing was beyond comprehension. This act of creation is the most profound miracle, turning the impossible into reality. Her work is indeed miraculous.

It was in this moment of appreciation, the darkness that had enveloped me began to recede, giving way to a sudden opening within. It was as though an antenna within me had been activated, tuning me into a frequency that connected me to everything everywhere, all at once. I became overwhelmed by a sensory overload as everything around me intensified. Conversations morphed and echoed, frogs and insects’ sounds merged into one overpowering cacophony. My vision was warped with geometric patterns and colors I could not explain, and my body resonated with physical vibrations, auditory digital glitches, and a rumbling that seemed to pervade everything. I felt as though I was experiencing the very fabric of existence, a knowingness and oneness that transcended mere perception.

An AI-generated image reflecting the transcendent sensation of surrender: a profound embrace of oneness, wisdom, and the infinite connection found within the cosmos.

The intensity of my experience had reached a point where it felt almost too much to bear. In desperation, I clung to the shaman’s icaro singing (native south american magic healing songs), their mantra weaving a comforting ground beneath my feet amidst the overwhelming sensations.

Then, in a strange and unexpected twist that seemed even more surreal than I could have imagined, the shaman’s comforting melody came to an abrupt halt. The soothing chant, which had been my grounding force, gave way to a declaration of shock over a UFO’s presence in the sky, mixed with a sense of affirmation that something extraordinary was happening in our ceremony that night. This proclamation jolted me out of the thin grounding I had found through the icaros, leaving me adrift and alone once more.

Another participant in the ceremony was drawn into the commotion, exclaiming that she too could see the UFO. She described it in vivid terms, likening it to a shooting star moving intimately close among the trees, yet never dimming or fizzling out. A spark of mystery in the night that refused to die.

But for me, at that profound stage of my journey, these revelations and exclamations held no sway. I was entrenched so deeply in my experience, grappling with existence itself, that the spectacle unfolding around me seemed almost insignificant. The grounding of reality was slipping through my fingers like sand, and I was clinging to the last grains of it. I neither saw nor cared for the appearance of the UFO, though in that particular instant it absolutely didn’t surprise me; I was in a place where anything and everything was conceivable.

In those moments of intense despair and spiritual expansion, I found myself accepting the existence of higher dimensions, embracing an ‘all-knowing’ state of mind. This knowingness was more than an intellectual understanding; it was an intrinsic feeling, a living truth that resonated within my very core. It was as if I had tapped into a universal wisdom and could see the cosmic fabric woven by invisible hands.

In the depths of my experience, a clarity emerged. I found myself accepting higher dimensions without question, feeling a sense of ‘all-knowing’ wisdom. The UFO’s appearance wasn’t surprising to me; rather, it felt connected to the profound journey I was on. In a strange way, I believed that I had called, created, or even manifested it. It was as if the intensity of what I was experiencing had somehow reached out into the cosmos, and the cosmos had responded.

An AI-generated image of some participants observing a UFO while I was distracted by bigger things we were experiencing!

As the peak of my experience started to subside, a slow and gradual awareness of my physical surroundings began to emerge. Among the distortions and changes in frequencies that continued to reverberate around me, I became conscious of a conversation taking place between another participant in the ceremony and the shaman. Their words were almost unintelligible, distorted by the lingering effects of my altered state, except for a few selection of words that somehow managed to evade the distortions and form one clear and resonating message:

Sometimes you just gotta let go.
Let go. Let go. Let go.
If only you would just let it go.

Though they were engaging in what seemed to be a regular conversation, filled with many other words and phrases, these specific words about letting go were the only ones that reached me. Strangely, they seemed to be repeated more often than what would be considered normal in a conversation. It felt almost as if something was controlling them, forcing these words out, or perhaps these were the only words I was permitted to hear on the unique frequency I was tuned into.

This uncanny experience led me to consider that perhaps another entity or Mother Ayahuasca herself was manipulating the surroundings and utilizing the available mechanisms at her disposal to communicate with me. It was as if she was answering the intention I had set before the ceremony: “Tell me what I need to know and do.” In real time, the conversation between the shaman and the other participant may have lasted only 20 seconds, but in the state of consciousness I was in, it felt as if Mother Ayahuasca was selectively allowing me to hear the energy and power of those specific words. In the moment, it felt as though these words were being spoken about repeatedly.

After the profound realization that specific words were reaching me as if guided by an unseen force, another layer of my surroundings began to infiltrate my consciousness. I became acutely aware of the presence of fellow participants engaged in what seemed like trivial conversations. Initially, a wave of annoyance washed over me; the mundane chatter stood in stark contrast to the profound reality I was exploring. Yet, I soon realized that their voices, those echoes of ordinary life, served as a lifeline, grounding me in a world that seemed on the brink of the incomprehensible. Upon reflection, I discerned a profound truth about the balance that permeates our existence. Although I’ve often yearned for more profound connections, shunning superficiality, I began to recognize the necessity of all levels of conversation. These seemingly mundane interactions acted as anchors, saving me from the abyss of the terrifying unknown. This newfound appreciation for the intricacies of human existence awakened a recognition of our unique roles in the universe, each contributing to a harmonious equilibrium.

Eventually, in what seemed like both an eternity and a brief moment, the shaman managed to guide me back from the place where I had been. With a careful touch and intuitive grace, she utilized the essence of nature, rubbing plants and oils onto my skin and allowing me to inhale their healing fragrance.

Slowly emerging from my profound journey, I began to find my way back to a grounded state. As my eyes fluttered open, I was met with a sight that filled me with awe. In front of me was not just the shaman but what I felt was her embodiment as Gaia, a tangible manifestation of the native spiritual essence that had guided me throughout my experience. It was as though Mother Ayahuasca had transitioned me to her earthly form, Mother Earth, allowing me to meet her face to face. I was so struck by this realization that I couldn’t help but voice my astonishment, exclaiming, “So that’s what you look like.”

The shaman, her eyes filled with understanding, invited me to rejoin the group. I made my way back, aware that others were still on their respective journeys, lost in the embrace of their own experiences. Among us, three had returned, able to interact and share in the collective energy of the moment.

Embracing the Chaos of Nature: This AI-generated image is a representation of my experience with surrender and letting go. The neat squares reflect the ego's insistence on order, contrasted with nature's beautiful chaos. Here, we witness how the patterns in nature defy organization, expressing themselves in all directions, shapes, and sizes, reminding us of the beauty found in life's unpredictability.

As the journey began to wind down, I sensed that I was still capable of delving deeper into the experience. I felt myself receiving numerous insights, like downloads from the cosmos. However, I consciously deflected some of it, seeking to maintain my grounding. It was during this phase that I engaged in a deep, coherent conversation with another participant, Paul, who I affectionately referred to as No.22. His nickname stemmed from our tarot card drawing, where he drew the number 22, and I drew 33, a sequence suggesting that he was one step ahead of me.

We found ourselves aligned as cosmic brothers, sharing our insights and realizations, especially regarding the god particle. Our talk led to a shared understanding of Mother Ayahuasca’s loneliness, a powerful theme that resonated with both of us. At certain moments, it felt as if Paul was an unassuming physical manifestation of God, similarly to how I perceived Gaia in the Shaman. Through innocent yet potent questions, he seemed to reassure and guide me through what I had just experienced.

We spoke of the UFO, our voices tinged with humor yet underlined by a shared belief, a sensation that lingered from the power of the ceremony, that if we truly tried, we could together manifest the UFO into our space. Our laughter masked a genuine conviction and perhaps even a hint of fear regarding the newly awakened power within us. Despite our inclination, we did not attempt it, a decision I find myself regretting.

We were in harmony, caught in a unique hot spot of energy. A shared resonance hummed between us, but it was accompanied by a fear, a reluctance to delve deeper into our newfound potential. It was that pivotal moment when NEO realizes his power in the Matrix, an awakening both thrilling and terrifying in its possibilities.

Once the journey was over for all of us, the shaman presented each of us with a candle, asserting that the light would guide us back to the zen garden and into the new reality we’d just stepped into. For some inexplicable reason, my flame suddenly went out. A few of the other participants laughed, finding the synchronicity amusing, especially since I was the so-called “keeper of the light.”

The Native “Keeper of the Light” from the oracle deck: A beacon of Wisdom and Guidance. This signifies my journey toward personal enlightenment and a call to share this light, helping to guide others on their path.

Time had become a nebulous concept. I was completely disoriented, unable to gauge whether my ayahuasca journey had lasted a mere couple of hours or an entire day. In reality, it had spanned about 7 hours, and we were well into the early morning. The shaman offered us bread and avocado, claiming their overripe nature would ground us more. As we ate, many were filled with questions, trying to process the experience. I held back, but in hindsight, I wish I had engaged the shaman more.

The Shaman herself transformed after the ceremony, her once strong and comforting presence giving way to an intriguingly naive, almost infantile energy. Conversations with her lacked the expected depth and wisdom. She expressed her belief that she was merely a vessel for something greater, dismissing the notion of self and emphasizing her alignment with the unlimited vastness of all that there is.

Eventually, we all retreated to our beds, though sleep eluded me. I was still in shock, traumatized by my experience, and this feeling persisted for months, punctuated by night terrors, visual glitches, and eerie occurrences.

The Shaman’s words proved prophetic; my world indeed changed the moment I walked through those doors. Just a few months later, the world was plunged into Covid lockdown. This unforeseen twist allowed me to return home, spend cherished time with family, and heal. The universe seemed to conspire, arranging my next steps, leading me to San Diego. There, an unexpected encounter with a smile unlike any other led to love at first sight, and soon after, marriage.

Closing thoughts:

Three years have now elapsed since my profound encounter with Mother Ayahuasca, who I perceive as more than just a mysterious force. To me, she is a divine messenger, a bridge that seamlessly connects human consciousness with the sublime wisdom of a higher divine power, or the creator. This realization itself stands as a testament to the profound impact Ayahuasca has etched upon my soul, solidifying not just a belief but an understanding in something greater, something transcendent.

Her voice, still resonating within me, continues to guide and inspire, transforming my existence in ways both profound and subtle. Like most of us, I began this journey in search of answers. During a challenging time in my life, Mother Ayahuasca reached out to me, showing me both the fabric of the universe and the core of my very soul. Through the mystic veil, she led me to understanding, revealing both the beauty and terror of existence.

But among her lessons, the experience of Ego Death stands out as a pinnacle of this transformation. It was a shattering of illusions, a moment where my constructed self dissolved, connecting me with something far more profound. This process resonated deeply with my values and echoed the teachings I admire.

Her lessons were not gentle; she forced me to face the void, the emptiness that birthed creation. In that nothingness, I understood the true miracle of existence, the extraordinary energy required to turn the void into vibrant life. I felt both the joy and the anguish of the creator, seeing myself and all of humanity as extensions of her eternal essence.

As she led me through the darkness and into the light, I realized that our existence is a celebration of creation, a manifestation of love and purpose. To dishonor her intricate design of the universe would be a disservice to the creator, her, and to ourselves. It became clear that my role as her light keeper is to cultivate gratitude and appreciation, to honor the balance, and to contribute to the growth of consciousness.

In the realm of oneness, I discovered my place in the grand design and realized the key to existence is balance, being aware of and integrating both its dark and light parts. Fear of loss no longer binds me as much as it used to do, for I know that we are eternal, destined to meet again in different planes of existence. Surrendering control has put me in a state of flow, aligning me with the universe’s rhythms. In my journey with Mother Ayahuasca, I’ve learned to embrace the unknown with an open heart, to navigate uncertainty with grace and curiosity. The mysteries that once might have unsettled me are now invitations to explore, to grow, and to connect with the endless possibilities of existence.

I now appreciate the role of balance as a fundamental key to existence.

In the aftermath of my ayahuasca experience, I stumbled upon the works of Carl Jung, and resonated with him deeply. His work offered me served as a comforting guide, and offered a more pragmatic understanding of the mysterious and unexplainable occurrences that marked my journey with Ayahuasca.

The sighting of “the UFO,” for example, was a perplexing occurrence that became a symbol rich in meaning and significance for me. Through Jung’s theory of individuation, I recognized it as a potential manifestation of the Shamans subconscious, a previously unknown part of herself communicating in a form that would resonate with her.

For me, the UFO symbolizes the unexplored, the unknown — an invitation to seek beyond what’s apparent and tangible. It’s a manifestation of curiosity, wonder, and a reminder that our understanding of the universe is still in its infancy.

I can appreciate how the symbolism, archetypes, and even the Hero’s Journey framework play a role in this narrative. From the Shaman representing Gaia to the presence of the UFO, to Mother Ayahuasca’s guidance, each element has a symbolic meaning that resonates on both a personal and collective level.

The Shaman’s transition from a guiding force to a naive, infantile energy mirrors the dual nature of existence, echoing the balance between wisdom and innocence. This transformation signifies a returning to the primal state of oneness, where all complexities are resolved into simplicity.

This realization turned what might have been dismissed as mere hallucination into a profound communication, an invitation to pay attention to the deeper layers of my psyche. It became a symbol, a bridge between the conscious and the unconscious, guiding me to introspection and self-understanding, all thanks to the insights provided by Jung’s thoughtful perspective on the human mind. The real mystery lies in why other participants also experienced the UFO!

And then, the powerful theme of letting go, the echo that cut through the distorted conversations. Sometimes, the most profound truths are the simplest. By letting go of the ego’s control and the insistence on understanding, I found myself in alignment with the flow of life, with the Tao, which align with my personal values.

The most profound lesson, though simple, reverberate with deep assurance within me:

We’ll be okay;
We’ll always be okay.

And yet, despite the profound insights and transformation, I make no claims of having reached enlightenment or standing above others. What I received was a gift of insight, an enlightening experience that continues to unfold within me. Far from perfection, I remain human, constantly grappling with the duality of light and shadow within myself. The complexities, the questions, and the struggles have not vanished, but my journey has provided a compass, a core experience that guides me through the labyrinth of life. In times of doubt, struggle, or conflict, I revisit the profound lessons learned, reconnecting with my values and beliefs influenced by this experience. It is a reassuring beacon, illuminating my path on my own hero’s journey.

My ayahuasca experience helped me begin my framework for growth, polished off by some of the works of Carl Jung, his individuation process, Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, Taoism, and other introductory human psychology. These insights have culminated in a project that’s close to my heart: my forthcoming book, “Modern Heroes.”

Modern Heroes” is the book I wish someone had given me in my twenties. It’s a guide and roadmap designed to help those navigating the path of the hero’s journey based on my own experiences, lessons, frameworks, and values. If you’re on a quest to discover more about yourself and the world, this book aims to be a reassuring companion on your journey.

Stay tuned for updates on the book’s release, and feel free to reach out with your thoughts or questions.

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