Trump Declares War on Short People
A brief message from Mr. Trump:
People have no security anymore. They have no job security. No health security. Jobs are being shipped overseas. Medical costs are going through the roof. Prices are going up and wages are going down. People are losing their homes. America has been going to hell for a long time now.
And do you know why? Do you know whose fault it is? It those damn short people! They are the problem! They are everywhere now!
Some of them are rapists and murderers. Of course, not all short people are rapists. Some of them are very nice people. Short people love me, by the way. I have always been very good to short people. But some of them are rapists and murders. Just the other day, there was a short person raped and killed someone. See what I mean? These short people are ruining this country!
If you elect me as President, I promise that I will build a great wall to keep out all the short people. Then we can all be very happy. We can sit on our side of the wall and be very happy because all of those short people are on the other side of the wall. I will build the greatest, bestest wall the world has ever seen! Everything I do is first class. My wall will be bigger and better than the Great Wall of China. It will be so good. You will be so proud of this wall. It will make you feel proud to be an American again.
And that’s not all. These short people are already everywhere, all over the country, and they are ruining the country. They are stealing our jobs! We have got to get rid of them! Trust me. Once I get rid of all the short people, then we are all going to have great jobs, really easy jobs that pay a lot of money, and we will all drive around in great, big expensive cars and it will be really great. Everything I do is first class. So all these great things are going to happen as soon as we get rid of all the short people.
I have a plan, a great plan, a terrific plan, to round up all the short people and put them on trains and and ship them to border. It is really such a great plan, one of the best plans I have ever had. I will make the trains very nice, and we will be very polite to all the short people as we round them up and ship to the border. Some people say that there are too many short people, that it’s not practical to get rid of them all. But trust me, I have a plan. I can’t tell you all of the details of the plan, but it is a great plan, one of the greatest plans in whole history of mankind! It is such a good plan. We are going to get rid of all the short people. And then we can all be happy. And you will all feel proud, so proud, to be an America again.
If you elect me as President, I promise to get rid of all those short people who are causing all your problems. That’s how we are going to make America great again!
You will feel proud to be an America again. Then we are all going to have really great, really easy jobs that pay a lot of money. And we will all drive around in great big expensive cars. And gas will be free! That right, free gas! So you can drive around all day on all night in your big expensive cars. And free pizza and ice cream for everyone! And free beer too! That’s right, all the beer you can drink, for free! Everything will be great as soon as we get rid of these short people.
Trust me. I have a great plan. It is the best plan ever! Nobody on earth has ever had a great plan like this. We are going to make America great again. Then we will all be very happy.