RWB

Moment of transparency (and vulnerability): I’ve honestly been holding out on sharing this for a little over a year now. When navigating through self-imposed questions around the proper timing, my delivery, and any fears of misinterpretation (and subsequent persecution); what I often come back to is the theme of Awareness. The opportunity of driving the awareness, in that in almost every single run that I have either attempted and/or accomplished over the past 10+ years, there isn’t one that hasn’t been inclusive of an asterisk (*). The most common examples* include:

*Am I going to be perceived as a threat?

*How might I look less threatening?

*Will I still look like a runner if I wear hoodie?

*Is this too much black clothing?

*Is it too dark; should I wait to run until I’m visible?

*Do my loved ones know that I’m out for a run?

*Is my cell phone charged in the event of an emergency?

*Is this neighborhood/location/space comfortable with seeing a black male/stranger running?

*Do I look aggressive?

*Did I just experience a microagression?

*Am I honestly okay with putting my pride aside (in the moment) if faced an issue?

In my experience as a runner, one of the last things that one wants to mull over either before, during, or after any run, are the possibilities of what could go awry. Outside of any surface level goals of remaining safe, most runners, no matter where they are in their respective journeys, are faced with fulfilling personal commitments of pleasure, self-care, and the ever addictive spirit of competition. This, coupled with the mantra of being a consistent outlet in the balancing act of my ongoing personal and professional endeavors, is what I often default to anytime I’m questioned about the motivation and my ‘why’ behind running.

What often gets brushed under the rug, however, are my fears behind the sometimes daunting ‘What-if’s.’ The What if I actually encounter someone that perceives me as threat? Which is often followed up by the inconceivable, Would the right people speak up on my behalf? Would this outcome come as a surprise? Will the truth be replaced by a false narrative?

Admittedly, while I have been incredibly lucky to only experience questionable microaggressions, as opposed to any life-threatening mishaps while running, my concerns are rooted in the historical treatment of the sometimes villainized and misrepresented, and are often amplified anytime an act of social injustice is brought to the forefront of our attention spans and surrounding communities.

Never have these feelings hit so close to home more than when I learned about Ahmaud Arbery’s death, back in late April of 2020. Similar to the questionable and tragic demises of Sandra Bland, Walter Scott, Breonna Taylor, and the Mother Emanuel nine, I intentionally took my time to process the Arbery news as a safeguard and self-preservation tactic from social media. Between the trauma of enduring the continuous flaunting of Black violence and death in major news cycles, along with the disappointment from the obliviousness, silence, and sheer complicity from peers and adjacent circles alike, you learn to realistically take in what you can, make your own judgments, and hope for the very best outcomes.

Outside of the initial reports in the Arbery case, what was most jarring to me about the incident was that this was the very first time my parallel worlds had collided. For the first time, I put my guard down and could literally picture myself in Arbery’s shoes. I allowed myself to visualize what the experience of running for your life might actually be like. What I would later come to realize, was that due to the vicious nature of the incident, along with the arduous and unprecedented challenges of fighting for justice and equality during a global pandemic, this was also a first for many, who typically weren’t accustomed to getting involved with civil and social issues of hate and inequity at this level(or any for that matter). It wasn’t until I had a few peers that graciously reached out to express their concerns around my wellbeing in response to my running posts, before I truly broke down and internalized this. Out of the hundreds of previous attempts at achieving my one consistent outlet in life, I was shattered by the notion of it taking something this egregious and unfathomable to occur, in order to finally be seen.

This became the inspiration behind creating the Running While Black (RWB) page. As an introvert, I have often relied on music and art as the vessels for sharing my most intimate thoughts and feelings. Back in 2017, in what began as an intentional approach of capturing day-in-the-life moments during our transitions from life in Charleston (SC) to Atlanta, I began taking snapshots of random sights during my runs from my iPhone. Fueled by the notions of exploration and spontaneity, I embraced being in the moment in uncharted territories, and found the strength in creativity. Running through the streets of Atlanta and having the opportunity to capture and fully embrace the city in all of its authenticity, vibrance, and complicated notoriety, left me with a sense of newfound pride and purpose.

Fast forward some three and a half years later, this sense of pride and purpose would later become the precursors behind me remaining grounded in the midst of continued strife and intentional turmoil.

As we wrap up what has arguably been one of the most ‘eventful’ BHMs to date (e.g., Joe Rogan + the N-word, Amir Locke, Brian Flores, Super Bowl Halftime, Performative Allyship, etc.), I am again grounded by the journey and the many sacrifices it took to get here. I think about the second anniversary of Ahmaud’s Mom and family having to relive grief and trauma, while simultaneously fighting tooth and nail to humanize his legacy. I think about the many who will point to every example of progress, but will conveniently leave out the leaps and bounds it has taken to bring this case to light. I think about the awkward and deafening silence that is often shared with our loved ones, while hesitantly addressing any concerns or reservations around the aforementioned ‘What-if’s.’ I think about the future conversations that we’ll have with our son, and similar to how we were raised, taking the intentional approach to instill and equip him with the right balance of self-awareness and confidence, allowing him to define his worth, no matter what the world throws his way.

This continued and keen awareness is for all the names we know, and for the ones that we don’t know.