Ladies,
Some clarity on digital dating from the middle aged male perspective
Chances are if you’ve decided to read this article, you’re either never married or a divorced middle aged woman. If you’re divorced, it’s 80% likely you initiated the divorce http://www.divorcesource.com/blog/why-women-file-80-percent-of-divorces/ This decision not only affected your past, but will continue to affect your present and future
Provided he wasn’t physically or mentally abusive to you or your sweet, really photogenic children, your decision to divorce was elective. He wasn’t completing you in the manner you envisioned years ago. He was unable to sense when you weren’t happy. He didn’t embrace your newfound lifestyle passions like yoga or soulcycle in the way a truly present partner should. In short, he failed to identify and fix issues only you sensed. Details don’t matter- without question- it was his bad. Next!
So you divorced him- and strode boldly into the future- a future replete with traditional and convenient digital dating app possibilities for meeting your new and improved signficant other(s). From the trash heap of Match.com’s poorly thought out direct messaging capabilities geared to simultaneously pester uninterested neighbors while emboldening escort services- to the implosion of quality that may have once existed on Tinder- came Bumble. Finally- a digital solution where you’re in control. You go girl
Step One: Genuine. Humble. Positive outlook. Love to travel. Giving this a try! Honesty. Fine wine. Active. Love fine dining. Looking for my partner in crime. Passport ready- catch me if you can! Music. The beach. Dogs. No hookups. Quality over Quantity. No angry ex’s. Looking for my best friend. Sapiosexual. Optimistic. Love to laugh. Happily divorced. Near every female Bumble profile has multiple above descriptors included and tends to make you all sound like you’re selling the same glass half full vision of yourself
Step Two: Locate six photographs showing you laughing, running and/or biking, looking classy at a business or country club outing, drinking (fine) wine, offbeat shot in a sporting location and one or two inappropriately personal facial shots of your children. Personal branding assignment- complete. Assemble them in chronological order- oldest first so we can witness your jarring ageing and weight gain in real time
Result: While you’ve received a measure of male Bee response, especially initially, you’re not getting the quality you anticipated. Where are the professionals my age? Where are the solid local guys who want a quality girl? You soon figure out how to expand your age and distance settings on Bumble to play a little game called “let’s see who already swiped me to the right”. And you’ve been horrified. Heavyset men in their fifties. Shirtless man boys on cougar hunts. Men in their sixties. Willy Lomans in town for a few nights. So you say “Hi!” to a few to see what happens- and get a bag of dick shots in return
Explanation: Barring extraordinary levels of fitness or appearance on your part, your ex is likely to be the last man your age to pursue you sincerely for the next twenty years. Simply put, every 40–50 year old man I have encountered is not looking for you. You’re not even showing up in the search criteria unless they broaden it out of boredom or sport. They were married to someone similar to you in so many ways- but someone somewhere sold you magic potential new soulmate beans- so you released your spouse from previously agreed upon moral constructs and legal contracts. Now, what you suspect is happening is happening. Guys your age have identified a new dating recruiting class 10–15 years younger than you- and they are not bound up in professional or social status. They’re dating broadly and liberally across socioeconomic, racial and class lines. While your ex likely still saw you as his beautiful, vivacious bride till the very end- at least in flashes- those visions will never be accessible to guys you meet today. What they see is all they get
You chose a Brave New World and will hopefully thrive within it- but it’s time to stop being mystified as to how and why someone moved your dating cheese. Mr. Hand once ably demonstrated to his class the folly of overreach in trying to have your cake and eat it too…“get a good one!”
