Sunday : I promise I will learn from my mistakes!
At the green roof at Marina Barrage I sat down. All by myself! My eyes fixated at the colors that paint the sky. I am waiting for the sun to set. I thought…
Ok. well, I learnt somethings over the years..
I am a workaholic! Work, work and work is all I am. Because I fall in love with the projects I sign up. When I love something I would do anything to sustain it. I put all my emotions in it. All my time, all my energy in it. This attitude gave me great success at work. Solving problems at work has become so easy.
However, Am I able to solve the biggest problem in life? There’s a huge gap in my heart! A pain that would not leave. I had ignored that pain and put on my best smile with every sunrise. Is it healthy? Well, let me try to explore it further…
Looking back.. The further I explore the more I feel that I failed. I failed to put my energy to allow people to know I care. I failed to sustain personal relationships! I have forgotten how to do it. Am I happy with this?
I desire to be loved and taken care of as a person. We all do! What had I done to receive it? Reject? Not accept anything good that comes my way?Run away from those that possibly could give me personal happiness? Why?
I am aware that I have missed out the chances. I did not know how to respond to those! I wonder why? Was it because I had not had the energy and focus to nurture those relationships. What do I fear? Falling in love? The paradox here is I would give up the world to fall in love!
Now I look back, I regret. For not exploring and embracing. But I am here to learn from the mistakes. As a woman, I too desire for intangible things, that are meaningful.
…and I want;
I want to build “our home.”
I want a garden. I want a front yard.
I want tiny little people running around in my yard.
I want kisses and cuddles in the morning.
I want little cute messy, and soft hands to touch my face and snuggle!
…..and with all this I want the knight in shining armor to put his arms behind me and tell me, “Sweetheart! you are amazing and you will be fine!”
1- I would not sit at my desk after work week is over.
2- I would not allow myself to look back in five years time to only have success on my portfolio.
I promise I will not run away from people that made my heart flicker. I will be around. I will embrace;
I will acknowledge the importance of people who we cross path with.
The joy they bring in. The differences they make in ours lives.
The values they add. The lessons they teach.
They part. But they remain. In the form of stars. Memories — Bitter. Sweet. Glowing. Inspiring.
“They say people come, say people go
this particular diamond was extra special
and though you might be gone, and the world may not know
still I see you, celestial”
“and if you love someone let them know..”