The Brooklyn Dating Tips for Brahs

By Mo Fathelbab

Brah, you want to take your YAS QUEEN! out on the town in Brooklyn but you don’t know where to start? Well, I, Mo Fathelbab, borough native and expert on all things off the L train, am here to share my fun dating tips:

-Treat her to dinner at that new French brassiere/Egyptian hookah room on Grand Street called The Russian Tea Room II. (Not affiliated with the original Russian Tea Room, because that shit is expensive.) Order the Vietnamese pho. Your White American Hipster waiter highly recommends it!

-Go see the latest Netflix-produced documentary at the Nighthawk Cinemas over on Metropolitan Avenue. Make sure to pay the full $12 for each ticket. It’s well worth it!

-If movies aren’t your thing, head over to that 3rd floor loft on Manhattan Avenue where they have weekly improv nights. Watch 20-something year-old alcoholic men with anti-women rage issues yell at female performers for 15-minutes at a time for only $5 and all of the Rolling Rock you can drink!

-Take a trip to Baby’s All Right on Broadway near Peter Lugar’s to catch the all-male Björk cover band, Balls Full of Love. Your iPhone should have nothing but late 1990's Björk in case you two get bored. Share a headset! That crap is romantic like “Lady and the Tramp” but instead of spaghetti, it’s cheaply made Apple products. Ladies love it!

-You both should order Übers at the same time and make the drivers race to your current location. The Arabs behind the wheel will appreciate the adrenaline rush. Plus that shit is fun!

-Finally, make it back to her place in Bushwick. Check her bathroom out. If her body wash is made with eucalyptus leaves, spend the fucking night. You’re gonna smell like a Koloa bear’s treat in the morning!