Other Things I Don’t Like


I don’t like the Lexus. Or, I guess, I don’t like people who drive Lexuses(?). Every time somebody goes too slow or cuts me off or parks using 1 and 1/3 parking spots or doesn’t use their turn signal…it is a Lexus. There are about a billion of these Lexus cars on the road. Every other car is a Lexus and most of those drivers are bad at all aspects of driving a car. Do an experiment and be aware of every time you want to yell, “Asshole!” while driving, then look for the telltale L on the car that is making you feel that way. I’m just saying.


Killer Yarn

I don’t like that no matter how benign something might be that is posted on the internet, like let’s say, for instance, a ball of yarn, somebody has GOT to weigh in on how that yarn caused the death of, polluted the water of, disrespected the culture of, is a choking hazard to…babies, a fresh water lake, the Maori, puppies. You can mix and match and it all works. I call them the uber-alarmists. They are the ones that KNOW. I don’t like them.


I don’t like “heist” movies. At all. I am not certain any of them are based on reality. Most of the heists I know about are the ones involving my VISA card and somebody, who is not me, buying stuff at Target with it. Heists bore me and I want the heisters (←maybe not a word) to get caught, how about you get a job and stop shooting people? I don’t know why we glorify people stealing stuff. If they stole YOUR secret formula for world domination or YOUR gigantic 500 carat diamond you wouldn’t be cheering them on would you?


I don’t like Donald Trump and his followers. My coffee table is smarter than Donald Trump. I’m ashamed of his followers. I’m mortified that my fellow countrypeople find anything about this man worthy of the office of President of the U.S. Beyond his obvious hate speech and fear mongering, there is his dumbness. His sheer really, really moronic dumbness that is appalling to me. When did our country begin to find utter stupidity so compelling? It’s embarrassing. Stop it.


I don’t like when people say “I’m blessed.” By who? And why you? I just saw a meme that said “I’m not lucky, I’m blessed.” No, you’re lucky or you’re just a smug asshole. This “I’m blessed” business implies that somehow YOU are beloved of God and the rest of us are “non-blessed” and unworthy. So cut it out.


Yeah, I’m cranky. Get off my lawn!