Us Against The World

I remember this one day when I was 15, I was sitting on a porch right after a heavy meal and was –as always- reflecting on my life, Like any ordinary 15 year old would do….not. yeah, I was a thinker, always have been, always will be, and on that day there was one thought in my head; How perfect my life was. Sure, I knew it wasn’t perfect or anything, but I was content, satisfied, I was coping, there weren’t any problems that couldn’t deal with, even after my uncle’s death which we all took super hard and it shook my reality pretty heftily. I was fine, I was happy, I had dreams, I was acing exams, I had a girl, I loved that girl, she loved me back, my family was fine.
This memory strongly resonates in my head nowadays at 22 going on 23, I thought I had it all, I thought about how everyone around me had a problem they couldn’t solve, how everyone was battling demons left and right, and I wasn’t. Whatever came my way I just took on at full speed and didn’t stop until I was done and free. I thought I was perfect, I thought I didn’t have demons, I thought I was just stronger….little did I know.
Life took its course and here I am. Holding on to whatever can keep me afloat, whatever can distract me, whatever can detach me from the harsh reality that is this world we live in. love, friendship, hobbies, creative escapes, anything that can take my mind off if its normal destructive path. I am not blaming fate, for it has brought me many amazing things, I blame myself, I always do, its unhealthy but its what hinges me back to reality whenever I want to daydream my life away.
I saw life for what It is, for its darkness, for its pain, but not just that, sometimes what hurts more is when you’ve seen happiness, when you’ve known warmth and then have it all taken away from you.
I write this not to misguide or depress you, you see its one of my detachment methods when all else has failed, when all other doors have been sealed in my face. I ask you to not fret, I ask you to not give up, because just as I know I am not alone, know that you too aren’t alone. I am a fighter and believe me know that if I am then you definitely are, I am not one of the strongest specimens nor the brightest. Know that everything happens for a reason, and if you don’t relate in your pain to most of the people around that doesn’t make you alone, we all hurt in similar but quiet different ways. Know that what you are feeling at any given moment eases up with time no matter how much it hurts right now, it’s the gift of forgetting.
A Close friend once told me that the beauty of life lies in the fight that a person has with themselves, know that one day, you, me, all those in this land of hurt, will one day be lying in our beds ready to seal our eyes shut smirking at the ceiling like idiots, because we know we’ve fought, we’ve endured and we’ve conquered it all.