Your touristic guide to ‘survival of the fittest’.
1. Welcome to the land of “I will follow you until death do us part” salesmen.
2. Please be dressed in your most SADUU clothes ever.
Because purchasing aukaad is equally proportionate to the apparel you wear.
3. Feel free to ignore the clones of 50 Cent who usually rap to the tunes of “Sau Rupay Mein Teen, Sau Rupay Mein Teen, Sau Rupay Mein Teen”.
Unless this is a birthday present you’re looking for your selfie-friend.
4. It’s time to scan through enough options to clothe the Global Population.
It takes time and focus, to spot the zara-but-not-zara-because-fake-zara.
5. As you spot that dream dress, hold onto to that chindi excitement of yours.
Just as the world suggests, you don’t wanna show your vulnerable side to people. #thatsajokepleasedo
6. Now get ready to put your JANANI MODE on.
This is the mode that will decide “omg where did you get this from?!” look on your friends’ faces.
7. Yes, absolutely, now show your pretentious *amazed* face because really, how can YOU afford a dress worth Rs.600?!
Last night Instagram update — #foodporn #TheLalit #yummyinmytummy #everydayscenes
8. Also, don’t forget to try it over your clothes and still feel naked (because you’re in India).
9. You might need your friend to hold your shirt down because 2 square cm skin-show is also quite pornographic you know.
10. Haters gonna hate, fakers gonna fake.
Now take that piece of rag in your hand and insult the shit out of it. Tell him you DON’T want it, but you’ll still take it. (Cue soundtrack: I hate you like I love you)
11. Next try the alien move, where you start walking away with the faith of being called back.
A globally approved measure of bargaining.
12. Great, now at Rs.300 try the ‘I am cashless and live on the road’ face.
13. Insert:
14. Just make your purchase quick because Sarojini shakes after every 30 minutes.
15. Lastly, don’t forget to treat yourself to a Banta from mobile stalls available at every 10 steps.
Dont worry, only Rs. 15.
