Pray for the Welfare of My Soldier?
Bracha is part of a large extended family, and one of the cousins arranged a prayer get-together. “We were davening for the chayalim, and so I submitted my children’s names together with a brachah for the safety of all the chayalim. But then another cousin refused to list her own sons’ names. ‘We are davening for everyone. This is no longer a personal tefillah for ourselves, and not about my sons coming home,’ she announced, and all the cousins went along with her. I’ve been haunted by this all week: Did I do the wrong thing by submitting my children’s names? I still don’t know the answer.” (Rachel Ginsberg, “The Soldiers You’re Davening For,” Mishpacha Magazine, Oct. 17, 2023).
As an orthodox rabbi with friends and family in active combat, this is not a theoretical question. To reiterate the question: while it seems clear that we must all pray for the welfare of all the soldiers of Israel, is there no room to say a special prayer for those closest to us — by name?
On the one hand, the Gemara (RH 29a) teaches that, “kol Yisrael areivim zeh le’zeh,” all of Israel are guarantors for one another. We are all responsible for one another, bound by our collective fate. R. Soloveitchik (Fate and Destiny, pp. 44–54) referred to our collective responsibility as the “covenant of fate.” We have been fated to suffer collectively and so too will we merit our salvation collectively. It seems quite clear, then, that we must pray for the Jewish collective, we must pray for all the soldiers of Israel.
On the other hand, with all the collective responsibility that each Jew owes the Jewish people, there is an undeniable obligation to one’s own kin. No one would deny that a parent has a special responsibility toward his children over his neighbor’s children. This is made crystal clear by the Rambam (comm. to Mishna Kid. 1:7, based on Kid. 29a):
There are six commandments incumbent upon a father toward his son: to circumcise him, to redeem him, to teach him Torah, to marry him off, to teach him a profession, and to teach him how to swim.
From here we see that not only do parents have a special obligation for the spiritual, social and emotional welfare of their children, but for their physical safety as well (i.e., teaching them how to swim). In addition, once we have done all that is in our physical power to ensure their safety, we must also do all that is in our spiritual power — e.g., pray for their safety.
That notwithstanding, the Rambam (Hil. Talmud Torah 1:2) explains that while one has a primary obligation to his son and his grandson, he also has a secondary obligation to his neighbor’s son. Of course, he is speaking about “teaching Torah,” but surely is not unreasonable to extend the notion to all six obligations. If so, expressed here is a melding of familial responsibility with national responsibility. We are responsible for the welfare of our own children as well as the children of the nation, there simply being a priority toward one’s own family.
By the same token, I suggest, we are obligated to pray for own welfare, but no less for the welfare of the nation. The Rambam (Hil. Tefila 1:2) explains that we are to pray everyday “for our personal needs.” Yet the Gra (Mish. Brachot 5:1) explains that one should not pray for oneself but for “all of Israel.” The reconciliation of these two directives is that we are to pray for our own needs within our prayers for the good of all Israel. This idea can be seen in the halacha lemaaseh that when we pray God heal a sick individual — by name — we pray that he/she be healed “within the sick of Israel” (Shul. Aruch YD 335:6, based on Shabbat 12b [I thank Dr. Maeir Becker for this source]). The Maharal (ibid., s.v., yerachem) explains that when one formulates his prayer as such “it is not considered praying for one’s own needs.”
Accordingly, it seems clear that it is incumbent upon every parent to pray specifically for the welfare of his own children, by name; and if one has the resources, for those close to them in ever widening circles. But those prayers are to be said within the prayer for the welfare of all our soldiers. Indeed, it is only when each individual is considered as part of the Jewish collective that he/she has any merit at all (Rashi Shabbat 12b, s.v., betoch, Shach YD, s.k. 4, R. S. R. Hirsch Ex. 30:12,).
It is my humble suggestion, then, that one say the standardized prayer for the Israeli Defense Forces and then say the names of those for whom one has a special responsibility. And in the merit of all the great sacrifices that our soldiers are making, along with all the heartfelt prayers of those on the home front, may the Guardian of Israel grant victory to all Israel and long and healthy life to each and every individual soldier.
