Ouch, that was a little sad and difficult to read… I hope things change for you : ) In the opening, were you suggesting that you have been afraid of a successful relationship, therefore choosing men that will, in the end, give you back your full independence?
We are all so complex, but at the same time, we are all driven by subconscious thought patterns, desires, and beliefs. I agree with talking long-term and passive rather than short-term and active from the beginning (e.g. future career plans and historical figures V what are you doing tonight and dancing). Based on this dichotomy and the direction they take it, I think you should be able to tell where they are at…?